Shadow of the Midnight Sun
by anuddaone
Summary: Midnight Sun as I see it, picking up with Edward returning from Alaska --- thru chapter 8 of Twilight...sorry---this is it...no more updates.
1. Decisions

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_BIG GIANT IMPORTANT NOTE:_

_OK...SO this story is incomplete and will remain that way!_

_I want to put that warning out there before you start reading...and I understand if you don't want to read any further...this is the first 8 chapters of Twilight stopping as they walk into the restaurant in Port Angelas. _

_SOOooo...yeah. With the "leak" of the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun...I don't see me going forward with this. SM is so awesome...I just can't imagine it any other way than hers now..._

_I was, however, a little pleased with myself on some points...I was very close...and wished I had written a little more before because I had many of the same thoughts. If you are interested in a little different take on things you could read what I have... :)_

_But now, anything I write would seem contrived and wrong...I had some particularly big missing pieces and now that I know them...there is just no way._

_Sorry for those of you who have asked me to continue...I think this one is done..._

But I cannot thank all of you who read and reviewed this for me...I love to write and this was the story that started it for me again!!

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Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of a Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

Another note, I don't seem to care what Edward was doing that week in Alaska, I cannot make myself write about it…so this will pick up where he decides to go home…

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**Decisions**

Ha! My phone was ringing, it was Alice. I didn't even have time to really convince myself I had made the decision…but I did. I was going home. That silly human girl – girl, not demon – was not driving me from my home, my family.

"Hey!" I answered before the first ring had really started.

"Edward! 'Took you long enough!" Alice shouted in that knowing voice.

"The phone barely started to ring," I answered teasingly, understanding what she meant right away. She sighed and I could tell she was rolling her eyes. "It all seems so silly now; I hope everyone can forgive me, for my sudden departure and for my momentary slip." I continued.

Alice was quiet for a minute. "I didn't tell them everything Edward, not about the images your decisions brought me, about the dark places you were going." My head filled with the remembrance of that day, sitting in that small room with those thirty children, thinking thoughts that had not crossed my mind in so long. She continued, "I just gave them the jest and Carlisle knew what you had told him. Esme is sad that you didn't come to her, but you know she will forgive you. Emmett thought that you deserved a slip up and you know Jasper agreed…they think you are too perfect for your own good…and Rosalie is Rosalie, she was too busy doing her hair or something to even notice…"

I thought about this for a minute, maybe it was better if only Alice really knew how close I came to be more brutal and savage than I had ever been. If she was the only one who could know how much of a monster I could really be, maybe I could go back to normal.

Alice seemed to be waiting for me to say something but suddenly blurted, "you should know something…" I started to ask her to tell me when I arrived home, I was eager to get on my way, but she was persistent. "This decision is more complicated than you may think, it won't be easy."

What did that mean, I was going home. That was the decision, what more could there be? The girl was nothing, just new and I had been thirsty, if I had fed the day before I wouldn't have even noticed her. I know that now, it was just so stupid. "Alice, decision made, what part won't be easy, traffic?" I asked, more just trying to understand.

She hesitated again, "Never mind, just come home. It's lonely being the only one in my own head."

I chuckled, she can be so weird sometimes, "Okay Alice, I will see you soon." I'll find out what she is talking about when I get home. She won't - cannot - be so evasive once I can see her mind.

--

Ah, snow.

Not that there wasn't snow in Alaska, but it is just more fun when Emmett is around. Jasper and I are soaked, but Emmett, though he started it, happily took the brunt of the battle.

_He gets me wet; I will kill him, literally._ Rosalie can be so melodramatic. I smiled at her and shook my head. She just glared, letting me know she meant it.

I_ swear she has looked over for Edward Cullen ever day for the last week! She is obsessed, and he obviously was revolted by her from what I hear…she should get over it. Like she doesn't have enough guys falling over themselves to get to talk to her…Mike, Eric…she doesn't know where to stop! At least, as long as I am her friend I get to…_That Jessica girl is so annoying, the reason I detest so many of the humans in this place.

Looking up at the thought of my name, I see who she was thinking about; it was Bella Swan, the object of my hate and loathing - No, that was me, not her. Bella was staring at me, I caught her. There it is again, that empty space where I can see a girl sitting, but no thoughts are being thought. No sounds, except those around her. Only when I hear Jessica tell Bella that I was staring do I look away. I hate having to wait for her to say something out loud or to have to probe the puerile thoughts of her friends.

I hear Bella confess, out loud or more in a shy whisper, that she doesn't think I like her. If she only knew! Like is the wrong word, desire is a good one, a monstrous desire to tear into her thin pale skin releasing that delicious scent full force. Wait, I was just remembering that day, it was not going to happen again today, or ever. It was a moment of weakness, I am better than that. It will not happen again, I am strong enough to get through an hour sitting near her, a mere human, I do it everyday, she is no different than the rest of them.

_She is so clueless and full of herself. Thinking Edward gave her a second thought really, he would not even give ME the time a day and I am much prettier than her…her newness will wear off and everything would go back to normal…_I quit listening when Jessica's thoughts left Bella.

I'll try one of the others sitting at the table, Mike maybe, he seemed to pay a lot of attention to her; _Snow! I cannot wait for school to be over, then it will be on! Maybe Bella will stay and join us…_no help. There was the Angela girl, one of the more bearable children in this place, but she only thought of what she had to do this evening, and avoiding Newton's snow war after school.

I look over one more time, to see if maybe I can at least see what Bella might be thinking, if just from her expression. She doesn't seem to be too excited about the impending parking lot onslaught of snow either. But I couldn't really know, I couldn't hear her thoughts, it was a guess. I don't like to guess.

Admittedly, it may drive me to the brink of insanity. There has to be a key to this, she really does have no thoughts, even less than some of these other people or something totally different all together. I have to know.

But why do I care, I had to ask myself.

I have to know, because I have to make her forget that first day, no reason to cast suspicion on us, my family, because of my misstep. That is the reason. I knew there had to be a better one than that one that immediately comes to mind. Desire. More than the desire to taste her blood, a desire deep inside me that I refuse to acknowledge except that I want to understand it as well.

At that thought, Alice jerks her head around to stare at me; a smile spreads on her face. _Told you_ she taunts. What is she talking about, this isn't difficult, just an experiment, a test for me, a way to make her not think about the hatred I know she felt on that fateful day. If it doesn't work, it will be over.

I stop.

Again, why do I care if she remembers how much hatred I radiated toward her; If she thinks I am a monster, I am just that, so why shouldn't she think as much?

I look to see what Alice is seeing, but she is singing some silly verse to drown me out. What is she hiding? She sees my inquisitiveness and agitation and stops long enough for me to hear, _it will all work out._ Rolling my eyes, I got up to go to class.

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R&R Please!


	2. Lab Partner

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. **_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the Shadow of the Midnight Sun…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

The first part of Biology...

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**Lab Partner**

Damn! There it is again. That sweet, flora scent that put me through hell the past week, put my family through hell. Turned me into the monster I know I can be. I could smell it when the door opened, she was already sitting at the table, no doubt hoping that I would not be here, praying that that scary Edward Cullen would not come back to this class.

I took one last deep breath of the fresh air outside of the door and walked in. Not so bad today, still the most desirable, appetizing aroma I have ever witnessed, but manageable, almost pleasant in my current well fed state. Interesting. I will still have to focus on not wanting to rip her throat out, but that wasn't necessarily new, living my lifestyle, it happened on some thirsty days, the temptation. But this was something new, having to focus so heavily when I did not really need the blood, the nourishment.

Pulling my stool to the very edge of the desk, as far from her intoxication blood as I could, I greeted her, in what I thought was quiet and polite manner. "Hello"

Twisting her head, a little too fast to be just surprised, her eyes wide with fear, like she knew what I could, what I wanted so badly, to do to her. I looked at her intently, trying to see what she was thinking; still, nothing, though I could see without a doubt, in her dark brown eyes, she had many things going through her mind.

That heavenly (HA!) smell, I have to focus on something else, I can do this.

"My name is Edward Cullen," – like she didn't know that – "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week." – because I thought I was going to have to kill you where you sit – "you must be Bella Swan."

Nothing. No thoughts, no answer. I just smiled; maybe it would put her at ease.

"How did you know my name?" What kind of stupid question is that? No, I guess not stupid, more honest it seemed. She didn't seem to think she was as popular as the rest of the student body found her. I cannot hear her thoughts, but I can see it in her face, but there was more to this question, she has to know we are in a small school, small town, we would all know if there was someone new here.

Pretty easy answer, no one knew more than me. I had to endure weeks of nothing but thoughts of her, and then there was her first day, the day her life was supposed to end. "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." The truth.

But her face was asking another question, then out loud, "No, I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

Too familiar maybe? Everyone's thoughts had been about Isabella for weeks before her arrival, and then quickly change to Bella once she had joined the herd. Maybe if you scare her, you should call her Isabella, I chuckled to myself. Strange. "Do you prefer Isabella?"

"No, I like Bella," she seemed embarrassed but pressed further, "But I think Charlie – I mean my dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

"Oh." Ok, simple enough I guess. I was still unsure what was going on, my focus was strained. This thoughtless little human had distracted me to the point that what was usually easy, pretending to be human, civil seemed almost impossible.

Lucky for her, well in this anyway, I was her lab partner I thought (as did Mike Newton and a few others in the class). This overly simplistic lab should be a snap for me, she would realize this momentarily and her trite human instincts to let someone else do the work would prove to me her ordinariness. But why not give her a chance?

"Ladies first, partner?" I asked after the teacher had instructed us to begin. Calm and cool, no sign of the struggle that every breath was becoming. I couldn't even help but to smile. But nothing…she is only staring at me…she isn't going to even try. Even less than I expected. I was disappointed, still unsure why exactly, "Or I could start, if you wish."

At this, the blood left her face. She quickly replied, "No, I'll go ahead." Better. But there was something else on her mind as she pulled to tiny inexpensive microscope toward her. Quickly she come back with, "Prophase." Hmm, maybe I had jumped to conclusions.

She was removing the slide, but I wasn't someone who let another do my work. I lightly stopped her hand with mine before she could take it off the microscope. She jerked her had away quickly. A shock, not an emotion, an actual electrical shock had passes between us.

"I'm sorry" I muttered. That has never happened before. My stone appearance wasn't just an appearance. I was solid and did not think electricity would pass through me, my hand was oddly warm. Did she feel the shock, or was that just me. My cold hard touch could have frightened her; it would make more sense than the shock I thought I felt. Looking quickly at the slide I agreed with her assessment and changed the slide.

I assessed it as the Anaphase and began writing the answer on the worksheet. She still wanted to play this game, "May I?" she asked. She doubts me, I have only done this silly lab twenty different ways in twenty different institutions, or many more than that really. But she wants to pull her weight, who was I to stop her, it was amusing either way. We continued this way for all five slides, her answering three of the five, me just confirming the answers and vice versa.

We finished, well before any of the others had began. _I sure hope Mr. Banner doesn't walk over here right now_, one boy thought as he tried to sneak a look at his book to help him finish his lab. _These things look exactly the same! No one could tell the difference…looking over at Bella…we'll Cullen doesn't look unpleasant today so she really got lucky, no nasty looks and a partner to do all the work_…– Newton – I felt a twinge, of what I am not sure, as he assumed I had done the lab work for her…what's wrong with me…what did I care? _She is so pretty, I have to ask her out, but not yet, be friends…oh, damn, we are never going to get this done. I should just guess!_

Why do I can what this boy is thinking about my lab partner; that is all she is, my lab partner.

– Not to mention, the most delicious, tempting, irritating, thing I have ever laid eyes on. –

NO! Stop it. I held my breath, but couldn't help staring at her.

Why couldn't I see what she was thinking!? How could her thoughts elude me? I can see in her face that she has thoughts, even maybe smart, interesting thoughts.

How could I see this? What is she doing to me? I don't know her, I don't even know her as well as I know some of the other students in this class that I have never talked to. I could not know her, because her thoughts were invisible to me.

She looked over at me after a long moment, I could tell she had been trying not to, but she lost that battle just as I had so long ago. "Did you get contacts?" she inquired suddenly, if not somewhat accusingly.

What? I did not see that questions coming – of course you didn't Edward; you cannot see anything she is thinking! That was my own thought. Now I can hear myself more clearly than anyone as I focus on her. "No" I answered quickly.

This was dangerous. Most are afraid to look me in the eyes, she should be afraid to look me in the eyes after last week. Does she know something, is she guessing? She is observant, I will give her that, but does she have to be so prying? No, not prying, just curious, as anyone would be if someone's eyes went from being the color from the blackest pits of hell to a much more reasonable shade of unremarkable brown, someone who took notice of such things.

I should just kill her, it would make me happy, and my family would be safe if I could do it without leaving any traces. I began to make the plans in my mind, again. That scent, beautiful and inviting. NO, NO, NO! Fist clenched, I looked away.

Mr. Banner was walking around the room, monitoring the progress of everyone's work. He arrived quickly to our lab table to evaluate our worksheet. _I don't know why I bother, I think this boy knows more than I do about everything...all these Cullen kids...shouldn't be in this class, should not even be in this school..._"So, Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?"

"Bella" I corrected. There it was again, that sudden urge to protect her. "Actually, she identified three of the five."

_Of course, another one_, he thought. "Have you done this lab before?" he asked her. Ah, that answered my question about what she was thinking when she took the microscope for the first time.

"Not with onion root" she replied quietly.

"White fish blastula?" he asked

"Yeah" she answered, slightly embarrassed. All I could do is watch as she answered each question with brilliant honesty.

"Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?" he continued.

"Yes"

He wasn't happy. "Well, I guess its good you two are lab partners" he mused as he walked away. "Just what I need, another one" he muttered out loud, but so that no one but me could have heard.

She was very honest, painfully so. And smart, at least in the school sense. I need to continue to talk to her. Be normal; be unremarkable, I kept telling myself. My eyes, she could just push it aside if I was just another ordinary person, her biology lab partner.

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**ok, I altered this a little...this chapter is done, Small Talk will be chapter 3...it was getting so long...**

please review...is there too much verbatim from the text (again, that does not belong to me)? I don't know how else I will do it, but I can try...I always find the stuff outside of Bella to be more interesting to write but i feel like I have to get this in the right order...and Edward had a lot going on this day too...more than her apparently since I have 3 pages so far for chapter 3 and we have not finished with the short conversation...let me know, i would be happy to continue...sorry to those few of you waiting for more...I just made it less!!

Go ahead, be brutal…8o)


	3. Small Talk

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. **

**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of the Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_This is the rest of that first conversation in Biology...I am still not sure that there is a whole lot of excitement...I knew he would be extremely thoughtful on the matter...and there are hints that he is feeling something for her..._

_if you have suggestion on improving this chapter, please share! o)_

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**Small Talk**

She thought I did not like her, why this should bothered me, no one in the school thought I liked them really, and Jessica had told her that. But with some small talk, I could make her forget that first day; I could just be another guy she knows. "It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?"

"Not really," she answered quickly.

"You don't like the cold." It came out as more of a statement than a question, but I still could not hear her thoughts. I just saw it in her face.

She has remarkable facial expressions, I thought. I could look into her face and almost hear her thoughts. Almost, I scowled to myself with frustration.

When I look at her, I still feel that burning lust for her blood, but there is another feeling there….I still don't know what it is, very unfamiliar. I should run from her, she could be my demise, my family's demise.

But what could it hurt, being her friend? What am I thinking! It could hurt everyone, this need for her blood was painful, if she figured something out it could ruin our existence here in Forks, and most importantly, it could hurt her. No, I stopped myself, when did that become most important?

"Or the wet," She answered.

"Forks must be a very difficult place for you to live." I replied. It is nothing but wet and cold here.

"You have no idea." She muttered. She's more correct than she even knows. I don't like not knowing, even something as trivial as this.

"Why did you come here then?" I pressed.

"It's…complicated." She replied. That wouldn't do. I want to know why she came here if she didn't want to. I knew she came here to live with her father, Charlie Swan. I know she was living with her mother; that her mother was still around. I was intrigued. What could possibly be complicated about it?

"I think I can keep up," I said simply. She would tell me, if I can't see her mind, then I will understand her, just enough to ease my curiosity. Then everything can go back to normal, I can just be her lab partner, the alluring scent would fade to nothing like the rest of them and everyone would go about there own way.

I didn't have to ask again. "My mother got remarried."

"That doesn't sound so complex," she didn't like him. Not anything special, just a normal teenager who doesn't like her step father. But for some reason, I felt a twinge of sadness for this girl. "When did this happen?" I continued. I felt compelled to continue to ask questions as long as she seemed open to them.

"Last September."

"And you don't like him." I said aloud what I had been thinking.

"No, Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough"

This wasn't going as I thought it would. She didn't like him so she threw a fit and came to live with her dad. That was the type of thing that human teenagers do, all teenagers do. Curiously, I asked her why she left.

"Phil travels a lot, he plays ball for a living" she replied. Not really a reason for leaving, interesting none the less.

No, really it wasn't interesting at all, but for some reason, despite the longing for her blood, I am craving to know her...what a strange thing to crave. I have never wanted to know someone, especially not a human. Never wanted to understand someone, not a silly teenage girl. What was going on here? I wanted to kill her, drink her blood, satisfy the monster inside of me screaming louder than he ever has, but I wanted to talk to her too, to know her. I had never experienced anything like it – nor did I ever want to again.

I continued, despite myself, "And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." I kind of like this game, I can read her thoughts without hearing them. It was those eyes, so wide and oddly deep.

But she shot back, maybe a little defensive, "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." Ok, maybe I am not as good at this as I thought, or she is lying, that is more likely. After all, I have been studying humans for some time now; they lied...more than they even knew. But something in her eyes says that this is the truth, I want to be sure, I don't want to guess.

On this, I can only ask, my curiosity is too much now; I don't want to end the conversation here. "I don't understand," I admitted, again, not an ordinary occurrence, me not understanding. So many new things today.

Her unhappy story was that she did it so her mom could be happy...not miss this Phil when he was gone. Again, not a normal sacrifice for a teenager, Bella wasn't happy, that assumption was one I wouldn't be wrong about. Might as well get one right.

"But now you're unhappy," simply said but undeniable...though she seemed to like to contradict my assumptions, how would she get out of this one.

"And?", a simple confirmation or my theory. She didn't try to deny it. This was not a good day for the mind reader. There has to be a way, a way to see her thoughts, I needed to...more than I needed her blood...more than I needed anything...

"That doesn't seem fair," nor does this unbelievable frustration!

Through a soft chuckle, dark but soft, "Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."

Humph..."I believe I have heard that before," I know that one all too well. I continue to stare at her; I have to break through this...this wall between her thoughts and me. It makes no sense, one small insignificant girl and her thoughts make a hundred year old vampire so crazy...one insignificant girl, her thoughts, and the sweetest blood I have ever smelled.

_Her thoughts wouldn't matter any more if I just killed her...feasted on her delicious blood_. My mind was not use to the heavy focus on nothing, the monster was breaking through. This thought, innocent as it really was for I had no intention on hurting Bella today, was alarmingly painful.

"So that's all," she finished. How long had I been staring at her, trying to break into her thoughts? Why not play a little more, guessing was still a little fun, I think I was getting the hang of it.

She was sad, suffering, I told her I would bet as much, but that she was good at hiding it.

Ha! She couldn't even deny it, but she wouldn't own up to it either, so I pressed, "Am I wrong?" Don't disappoint now Miss Swan...no lying. Still nothing, she didn't like my game, me knowing her innermost secrets...IF ONLY! "I didn't think so," that said a little more smugly that I meant it. I wouldn't need her thoughts, they were in her expressive eyes...rather nice brown eyes.

I hit a nerve. "Why does it matter to you?" she shot back finally.

"That's a very good question," said more to myself. I just couldn't understand my craving to play this game. I stare at her; she is trying very hard not to look at me, burning a hole into the blank blackboard, looking annoyed.

Was she upset with me? The thought of her torment at my questioning sent a stab of sorrow through me. What were these feeling and thoughts of this girl? This is only making it worse.

Again, almost against my will, "Am I annoying you?" I asked her. There may have been actual concern in that question. I wanted to make it better.

"Not exactly, I am more annoyed at myself," she blurted as she turned to look at me. "My face is so easy to read – My mother always calls me her opened book," she seemed to answer without candor.

How wrong she is! "On the contrary, I find you extremely difficult to read," I confessed. – Why would I tell her that? – She searched my face for a lie. She thought my observations had been good, but truthfully, for me they had been very sub par.

Doubt still on her face, she observed, "you must be a good reader then."

"Usually," I could not help but to smile at this. She was right of course; she couldn't know how good of a reader I normally am. But why would I have given so much of myself away in this conversation?

The teacher beckoned for the class's attention now, going through the lab I had long forgotten in the mist of the interesting conversation I had just had with Bella Swan. There is something, something I cannot let go, I wanted to know this girl, I wanted to know her thoughts, her feelings, everything. I could not of course. When I left the room, got away from the beautiful scent that now made me more than just ravenous, I would think this through and be rational. It was the intrigue; I know it, nothing more. It couldn't be.

The bell rang and I swiftly left the room, needing time to think and needing to get away from these confusing thoughts about the girl with no thoughts.

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Thanks for reading...Please review...I hope to update soon, reviews give me a little more incentive...

there are a few chapters between here and Edward saving her from Tyler's van...those my come fast since they aren't based entirely on the books...crossing my fingers anyway...


	4. Perspective

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. **

**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of the Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_A very short chapter with Edward skipping class and thinking a little about the conversation in biology._

* * *

**Perspective**

I had not been to Spanish in a week, but one more day would not change anything, I knew the material, I could speak Spanish more fluently than most native speakers anyway. As far as my grade, for appearances, I know Mrs. Goff would let me make up anything I might have missed, she always had. Besides, I needed to think. I would sit in the car and wait for the hour for my siblings to be finished with their performances for the day.

No surprise, Alice was waiting for me at the car; I saw her small form leaning against the Volvo with an amused look on her face.

_You made it! No harm done, though I thought your head would explode when you tried to read her thoughts. _She was poking fun at me. I wouldn't take the bait. I wasn't ready to talk about it; there was a lot to work out.

_Are we hunting again tonight? _Alice and I had been going out every night with various other family members so that I could be sure the same thing that happened the first day with Bella never happened again. Tonight, I thought, I needed something else. I had not given any details to my brothers about how irresistible Bella had been to me; maybe it was time I talked to them, brother to brother. The new feelings that stirred today were something beyond what I was willing to confide to my father, Carlisle, just yet. If I asked too many questions he would see through them. Emmett and Jasper would not be so perceptive.

"If you wouldn't mind, I would like to see if Emmett and Jasper would come out tonight." I watched her reaction carefully, I didn't want to offend her, she had been so understanding thus far. She smiled.

"No problem, I will tell Jas." She answered out loud this time. Adding, _I'll make sure Emmett doesn't argue. _I smiled in thanks.

_You want me to stay with you? I don't mind missing English._ She had a tone that told me she would rather be in class with Jasper, but she was willing to stay if I wanted her to. I didn't, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I just shook my head and waved her off. _See you in an hour little brother, and stop worrying, it will be great _she sang. She could be so strange I thought as she skipped off.

It wasn't like it was that first day I wanted to be alone after Biology. I was not upset, just deep in thought on the previous hour. There was so much that happened. I wanted to think back on it, gain some prospective.

Bella Swan. Her name, simple and somewhat unimaginative, but the thought of it made my mind whirl. The memory of her enticing scent, her deep brown eyes, the silence behind the eyes…and something else. I had not been able pin point it during the conversation, but it was the expressions that had kept me asking questions. Innocent, shy, truthful, and embarrassed; her face said so much as she spoke. She was real, unlike so many of her classmates. _Beautiful _I thought.

I chuckled at this thought. So ordinary in her beauty, but I couldn't deny that I found her extraordinary. This was new. And so what if I found her beautiful, I found her appetizing as well, that was above all else. It did not change anything. It would be better if she were gone. These feeling would be gone, the danger would be gone. If I killed her, it would be over. I shook these thoughts from my head.

I listened to the CD, something new, I wasn't sure I liked it yet. It was distracting for a time, listening for the complex melodies I always hope for, that never came. Music was so unsophisticated these days, though this one wasn't bad, just simplistic. My mind slowed down as it moved away from Bella. All seemed normal again as it had since I returned – until an hour ago.

I resolved that I liked normal, no more confusion, no more Bella. I liked the finality of my decision, I liked that it was something I could do. If she spoke in class I would respond as cordially as I could and go about my day, we would be lab partners for one hours a day, five days a week. She was nothing more.

The last bell rang, I moved from my car to avoid any suspicion of skipping class, not that it mattered. We had to keep up appearances anyway. As I leaned against my car I saw her walking toward her truck. I tried not to stare but it was more than I could manage. I tried to read her thoughts as she walked through the parking lot, still to no avail. She got into her old red truck and began to check that it was clear to back out. She suddenly looked in my direction, immediately noticing my intense stare. It happened quickly; she hit the gas pedal hard almost creaming the little car behind her. I couldn't help but laugh as she corrected and sped away. I could see the red rushed to her cheeks as she passed.

I may not have to worry about killing her; she may take care of it herself!

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**That was short…but still…PLEASE! R&R…**

**Next chapter: The brothers have a heart to heart :o)**


	5. Crush

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. **

**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of the Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_I don't like the title, but I didn't like any of the other words in the chapter quite as much...it is kind of a fun chapter..._

* * *

**Crush**

_Where are we going tonight?_ Emmett thought.

"Not far," I replied. A grimace crossed his face. "But far enough," I quickly added. I wanted to assure him I wasn't making him have deer or some other non-threatening creature in the park tonight, I needed him to be in a good mood.

_Whatever. Let's just go. _He wasn't going to argue, as Alice had promised, but he wasn't happy about the unnecessary trip to feed. The real reason I wanted him and Jasper on this trip wouldn't make him any happier; talking wasn't Emmett's favorite pastime.

After, – well, just after –, I told them I wanted to stay out just a bit longer. It really was a nice night and hunting had gone very quickly, and while we didn't reduce ourselves to deer, there were no bears around either.

_What's up? _Jasper was curious. _What's with the anxious_ _energy?_ He could feel it, I knew. He had wanted to ask me all night but kept fighting back the question, even in his mind. I wasn't nervous about talking to my brothers, just about the subject. Jasper wasn't too comfortable with the subject of humans, and Emmett found them categorically boring. Jasper and Emmett were staring at me now.

"It's nothing," I assured them.

_Alice told me you wanted to ask us some questions. _Of course she did, she tells Jasper everything and I am sure she had seen the question and answers already. I just nodded.

_STOP IT! SPEAK OUT LOUD!_ Emmett was in a pretty bad mood now. I wish we had found a bear or at least something somewhat deadly, a wolf maybe.

"Sorry, man," Jasper finally answered, I am sure, feeling Emmett's irritation.

"Okay, I guess you both know why I have needed to hunt so much since I returned, but I wanted to talk to you about it" I started. I rarely had trouble communicating, especially with my family, but I didn't think this would be pleasant, not with Emmett in the mood he was in tonight.

_Yeah, because you have a craving for a human…_Emmett found it funny. A smirk spread across his face to confirm this. I knew Jasper was somewhat amused as well, but knew all to well the difficulty I was having.

While formulating my next statement, I thought if Jasper ever had someone in school who appealed to him as Bella did me, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself; the massacre I had seen in my head would have been reality. Not that I could blame him if that was the case. This thought took me to my first question.

"You know I had to leave because I had wanted to kill Bella Swan when I _met _her. So I ran, and then I came back and was sure that it had just been a fleeting thing, something new, but…" I paused there to see if they saw where I was going with my question. Jasper was serious; he wanted to help, but was already thinking he couldn't. Emmett was barely paying attention, thinking of a way to start a scuffle on the way home. I continued, raising my voice a little to get Emmett's attention, "…it was still there today."

This caught Emmett's interest. _So are we planning her disappearance tonight, _he asked with a little too much enthusiasm. I winced – completely involuntary. Hiding the reaction instantly I scowled at him for interrupting me.

"I am just _wondering_, have either of you encountered something like this before? I mean irresistible blood? Blood that smelled so sweet and enticing that you could no longer be civil, no longer hide any trace of the monster we are?" I felt better once the question was out there.

Jasper still felt himself unhelpful, he answered aloud for Emmett's sake. "You know they all smell the same to me. Good." I smiled at him. He hadn't been living this_ vegetarian_ lifestyle for long, I had no doubt he was only being honest. Oddly, Emmett was quiet. I looked up to see his face.

Suddenly, as I focused on Emmett, I saw his thoughts stream in front of me.

_Walking down a street; a smell, mouthwatering and perfect with a hint of spice; a girl, no older than nineteen; only a few others around. I smile at her; she smiles back as I knew she would. I change direction and begin walking a few paces behind her. She looks uneasy, I can't let her run. I don't want to attack here in the open, but if I have to…We turn a corner, she peeks back at me, almost beckoning me, teasing...I glance quickly around…no one…I take her, it was easy, and perfect…_

Emmett looked into my eyes, a guilty smile playing around his lips. I gaze at him, he wasn't finished…

_It is sometime after the first…in a forest, it is too sunny out to show myself today. I walk around the forest edge, making note of the path I would take to the town after dark. I hear someone approaching, just a hiker...it hits me – strong – …that smell, the spice and blood…I wanted that again, it was here…it is deserted up here…I can take my time…without hesitation I step out in front of her, she only has time for one moment of comprehension of the danger I represent before she is dead…almost dead…I wanted her to stay warm so I could enjoy this…it doesn't come along to often…Rose won't be happy…_

I looked away as soon as this thought ended. I had not expected that. I peer over at Jasper, knowing he had not heard the thoughts, but saw something almost as startling. Jaspers eyes had become dark; he looked as he hadn't eaten in weeks. As I watched him the look faded and he smiled lightly noticing my scrutiny.

"Whatever he was thinking must have been appetizing," he said to break the tension. Emmett just laughed. I was still processing what I had seen.

"Hey, it was a long time ago," Emmett explained. "I never told anyone about the first, but the second, Carlisle knows and Rosalie gave me hell about for years." How had I never known about this? How did they keep it from me? Emmett, _almost_ _reading my mind_, simply answered, "We kept it from everyone, at least I think we did…" he looked at Jasper quizzically.

"I never heard anything," Jasper shook his head.

"Yeah, makes sense, I think it happened a while before you and the annoying one joined us." Emmett said matter-of-factly.

I found my voice, "So that is it then…"

"Yeah, you want more?" Emmett mused.

"No, but I didn't attack her, I didn't kill her…" this was the part that I was not sure I could say, "Now, I don't want to kill her…" not entirely true I thought. "Actually, I would _like_ to kill her, but there is something else…"

Both of them were looking at me like I was crazy waiting for me to finish my thought. I would have to now, I thought, Emmett won't let it go. Resigned, I continued, "when my mind goes back to thinking about murdering her…it almost causes me pain." I said it…I am not sure I had admitted it to myself.

A smirk was on Emmett's face again, Jasper was still staring at me intently. _It's worse than a craving…You have a crush on a human! _Emmett's mind and voice roared with laughter.Emmett _thought_ he was funny.

I looked for a more rational opinion from Jasper, but he had nothing. _Poor Edward_ was all he thought.

I narrowed my eyes at them, shaking my head, but neither of them let up.

"When you said _all _of the boys were excited about the Swan girl arriving I didn't realize…" Emmett was enjoying this. _Of all the silly things…a human!_ He was in disbelief.

"Edward, let's be rational…you would be better off _offing _her than lusting after her…" Emmett reasoned. "But Rose will be amused."

I jerked my head up to look at him. "You will not tell anyone else about this!" I threatened. "It is not a crush…just a feeling. I am sure it will pass. I was just…curious." I felt like I needed to catch my breath, of course I never needed to catch my breath.

"Well, Edward, I only have eyes for Rosalie and Jasper over there seems to like Alice, something I never understood." Emmett replied, shaking his head. He was near rolling now. Jasper reached over and gave him a shove, knocking him into a small tree a hundred yards away.

Emmett was still laughing as he got up. Jasper, to his credit, was at least fighting the urge to laugh at me too.

"It's no big deal, I just wondered if anything like this ever happened to one of you. I knew better..." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Let's go."

Emmett took off ahead of us, still chuckling to himself. Jasper turned and looked at me before we headed home. His eyes were concerned now, feeling my frustration and anger. _Alice says it will be okay _he thought. _I always bet on Alice, though she wouldn't exactly tell me what would happen._ She always told him everything, but he was good at keeping secrets. He smiled back at me sheepishly as we started home.

As we got closer to the house Emmett seemed to calm a little. Jasper was stealing glances in my direction to gage the changes in my mood he could feel. I wasn't irate anymore; I expected it from Emmett, no reason to be upset.

I stopped as we came very close to home, my brothers obliged. "Emmett," I started, "please don't go blurting your theory to _everyone_, be a friend." I was almost begging.

"You know, little brother, knowing Rosalie, she probably would not be as amused as I was anyway." He had a heart sometimes. "Besides, you should probably be asking old Jas the same thing…he is more likely to give you up." He was laughing again.

I looked at Jasper. He smiled guiltily, knowing he would not have to tell Alice anything, she would already know everything that happened tonight. "I won't _say _anything" he assured me.

"Thanks," was all I could get out before Alice was standing in the middle of our group.

"Hey guys, nice trip?" she sung. _Feel better,_ she asked me silently. She was just being nice, she knew what had happened, I could tell by the way her eyes twinkled that she had already had her laugh.

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**That was a fun chapter to write…hope you enjoyed it…let me know (**_translation: Review!!_**) **

**Were Jasper and Emmett's reactions believable? If not, let me know what you think I should change…**

Next Chapter: Back to Bella…and the near accident...I think I will work on a chapter of one of my other stories for a couple of days, so no update until next week maybe…still reviews make me work harder to update sooner… ;o)

Oh, and thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far…it makes it so much more fun when I think someone else is enjoying it too…


	6. Weak

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. **

**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of the Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_The almost accident…and Edward finds out just how stubborn Bella can be (this is about half of **Phenomenon**)_

* * *

**Weak**

The rest of the night went by quietly. I listen to music and stayed out of my brother's minds, if they were talking or thinking about our conversation earlier in the evening I did not want to know about it. Finally, – Since when do I look forward to going to school? – it was time to leave for school. We were a little early but that happened sometimes.

On the way I couldn't help but hear Emmett's constant teasing. _Kind of anxious to get to school today, aren't we Edward, can't wait to see your girlfriend. _I looked back at him with a sneer, would this ever end?

Alice, sitting next to me, just put her hand on my shoulder and thought_ just ignore him, him and Jasper will start wrestling or something and he will forget about it. Do you want me to talk to Jasper about starting something with him? _She was being generous, she hated when they carried on like wild animals. I smiled and shook my head, it was no use; he wasn't going to let it go.

We pulled into school and parked, as I was getting out of the car I saw her, the reason for my taunting. I deserved it, I thought, what was I thinking giving a human a second thought? Had I really given her a second thought or was it really just curiosity like I claimed?

I didn't have time to think about my questions because I heard something disturbing very close and then I saw it just a fast. Squealing tires, a blue van that was out of control headed right towards…BELLA!

_No, not her!_ My mind raced as I made a split second decision. I raced over and pulled her down to the ground as the van hit the back corner of her truck, her head hit the ground. I could hear the van spinning around coming back towards us. "Not her" I growled softly. I would have to do something more, I put my hands out and my shoulder against the gold car beside us, still shielding her body from the danger, to stop the oncoming vehicle. It was going to crush her legs; I propped up the body of the van quickly and swung her body around towards the parked car next to us. I dropped the van immediately in hopes that no one would notice this display of my _talents._

In less than a heartbeat I heard the screaming children, calling Bella's name. I ignored them; I had to make sure she was okay. I was still in control so I knew she was not bleeding, but her head had hit the ground hard, "Bella? Are you all right?" I whispered in her ear, not letting my grip on her up at all.

"I'm fine," her voice was breathless and scared. She began to struggle to sit up. I held her still.

"Be careful, I think you hit your head pretty hard," I loosened up again since I was sure she was conscious.

"Ow," she sounded shocked. This silly girl was surprised she was hurt after a two ton van all but flattened her; she was quite a piece of work.

Trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of her reaction and of this situation – what had I done, possibly exposed us? – "That's what I though."

"How in the…how did you get over her so fast?" she asked.

I winced. Why couldn't she just be glad I was here, anyone else would just be happy to be alive? I just had to convince her she was wrong. "I was standing right next to you, Bella" I lied easily enough, leaving no room for doubt.

She sat up and looked over at me. She was peering into my eyes, trying to find a hint of the lie I was telling. I moved away from her as the enticing scent overtook me though I ignored it and continue to look at her. I let the worry I felt fill my features, this would be an understandable expression in these circumstances.

She tried to move as the commotion around us became frantic, I pushed her down.

"But it's cold," she protested. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. She was worried about being cold instead of relieved to be alive. Since I wouldn't let her move, she decided she wanted to bring the subject back up of my sudden presents. "You were over there. You were by your car." She had noticed me, my head whirled for a split second, and I brought myself back to reality. She _had _noticed me and now she did not want to be convinced that I had been near before the wreck.

"No, I wasn't." I put finality in my voice hoping to make her understand.

"I saw you." She was stubborn.

"Bella, I was standing with you, I pulled you out of the way." I told her. I gazed deep into her eyes. I had to convince her it was important, the alternative wasn't something I could live with, not now.

She hesitates as I stared at her hard, "no." She wouldn't be convinced.

"Please, Bella." I was pleading now. I needed her to understand, they were almost to us now and I couldn't have her tell them. I would have to end it before they got to us if she insisted on telling someone her suspicion about me moving too quickly for a human. If I could only see her mind, I could see what she was thinking, she what she saw.

"Why?"

"Trust me," was the only response I could give her now. It would be my last attempt. I readied myself for her argument, I would just have to make it look as though I didn't save her, that the van had hit her in spite of my attempt to save her. If my heart still worked, this thought would have made it stop.

She paused a moment and then answered, "Will you promise to explain everything to me later?" I could live with this. I wouldn't explain, but at least I would not have to kill her here and now. Why does she have to be so difficult? Why couldn't she just be happy I had been here and willing to just accept that I had been here, instead of needing to understand how I got here?

"Fine," the irritation in my voice was unmistakable.

"Fine," she said as a confirmation. My body relaxed, I didn't have to end her life here.

Just in time our conversation had ended as the rescuers moved the van away from us. The paramedics were anxious, expecting to find a disaster. When they saw us sitting side by side on the ground they were relieved. Stretchers were brought over to carry us out on; I calmly stood up and waved them off. Bella tried to do the same but I insisted since she hit her head, and possibly because I realized this would irritate her as well – serves her right for being so stubborn.

Standing in the open, leaving Bella's side for the first time in what seemed like hours I suddenly heard the familiar voices of my family.

_What are you thinking! _Alice was upset, she liked it here. _I wanted to finish school here, now we have to figure out something else. Why didn't I see this!? _She was searching her visions trying to find an answer; I didn't have time to see if she found it.

_Edward, I can't believe you, you didn't want to like her, I can't believe you are this weak…it would have been over…_Rosalie knew, obviously. I looked over at Emmett.

He shook his head. _Now that was stupid, exposed over a stupid crush…_

Only Jasper had any sympathy at all. _Poor Edward _was all he thought again.

They were right of course, I was weak. If I had just let this happen, let Isabella Swan be hit by a van, ending her life, her enticing blood and intriguing mind would have no longer been an issue. We never intervene in the lives of humans, it was too dangerous, we could be exposed.

Bella had promised, I thought to myself. But since when did a promise mean anything to a human? I knew I couldn't trust it, I knew I had messed up.

The EMT wanted me to go to the hospital; I wanted to go there too. I needed to talk to Carlisle. Bella scowled at me as I walked past her being put in the back of the ambulance on the gurney with a neck brace on. I did not look at her; I quickly took my place in the front of the cab to await our departure.

My thoughts raced through the events of the morning. Why had I interfered? It was fate. She was supposed to die. Someone as fragile and weak as her could not live long in the world. More than that, the smell of her blood, that had spelled her doom. She was dead on that day. My will had been the only thing that kept her alive, and here I was again, saving her from her fate.

I had to talk to Carlisle; maybe he would have an answer. I would have to tell him everything now, admit my weakness to my father.

* * *

ok...Carlisle and Edward have a father/son talk next...and then the rest of **_Phenomenon_**.

(The fight is coming up so I am getting anxious...)

Let me know... !!


	7. Worry

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of a Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_The hospital …__another chapter before I could get to the big fight…_

* * *

**Worry**

I move into the hospital as quickly as I could, searching the minds of the occupants of the building for Carlisle. I found him, he knew I was here, he knew what I had done.

_They sent her for an x-ray_ he thought as I approached him in the hall. I looked at him, I should be use to his calmness after a hundred years, but the calm in the mist of my mistake seemed out of place. He was still going about his normal business. He saw the worry in my face.

_Come to my office, we can talk there. _He nodded down the hall in the direction of his office, I followed obediently.

As he closed the door I slumped down in the chair in front of his desk. He pulled the second chair in front of me and looked me in the eyes. _Edward, tell me what is going on. _He looked worried now. Here was my father, the man who had cared for me so long, I had ruined our quiet existence in this nice town with one brainless decision, yet he was concerned about me.

"I don't know what is happening. It's the girl, I tried..." I wasn't use to feeling this helpless, I didn't like it. "I think I convinced her not to say anything for now, but I am not sure how long she will keep her promise." I needed to explain myself, I just couldn't find the words, this had been happening a lot lately.

"Son, we all make mistakes. Maybe it will work out…" he seemed almost sure of it. I searched his thoughts and saw that Alice had told him that we had nothing to worry about yet. So, Bella will keep her promise, but for how long? When I couldn't offer her an explanation, what would she do then?

I thought about the possibilities that she might keep her word. "We can't be sure…" Alice was not always right.

_Let's worry about it when the time comes _he looked at me hard again. _Tell me how this happened, why you would put yourself in this situation…_He had a right to know, I had put him in the situation too.

"It's hard to explain," I started. "You know what I told you about the smell of her blood and what it did – does – to me, well, there is another odd complication…" I almost laughed at my use of the word "complication"; this didn't even begin to explain it. Carlisle didn't guess; he waited for me to finish.

"Emmett called it a crush," I would have blushed if it were possible, talking to my father about my feelings about a girl. He may not be my birth father, but he treated me as a son and I looked at him as my father, a hundred years old or not, this was new. It wasn't if I was merely reveling that I had a crush on a girl and was worried she didn't like me back, this was worse, I was admitting I was willing to put us in danger for a human, I was too weak to ignore these human emotions. I had never claimed to be as strong and able as my father, but I always thought I could be close.

A small smile appeared on his face. _Ah, complicated. _He acted as if this was normal. I couldn't understand this reaction. I was confessing a dangerous infatuation with a human, a human I had risked our secret for on more than one occasion.

"I'm sorry," I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Edward, you don't have to apologize, I don't think it is your fault." He seemed thoughtful. I looked into his thoughts. He was thinking of the day I visited him before leaving for Alaska. The description of the impact the girl's blood had on me, the irresistible urges it brought in me. I winced. I longed for the time where all I wanted was to kill her, taste her blood. Anger flared in my chest, there had to be another explanation.

As if reading my mind, Carlisle decided to tell me his theory out loud. "Edward, I think that the desire you have for her blood and the desire you have to save her, to know her…" he added the last part apprehensively scrutinizing my reaction. I looked at him but did not confirm or deny what he said. "I think that they are not necessarily exclusive of one another."

He stopped there to allow me to consider what he said. The anger had dimmed for the moment while Carlisle explained his theory. "You see, I wonder that if more of our kind _could_ stop and do what you have done, they may find that the desire did not stop with the scent." He paused there. After some consideration he continued, "This is only a theory; you are the only one I know who didn't give in to our more…primitive…instincts when presented with this type of thing." He seemed like he had said what he wanted to say. I probed his mind looking for more explanation. To my dismay, I only saw that this theory must have been no more than something to make me feel better about my lapse in judgment. I knew it, but did not say anything; I knew this is what fathers do for their sons when they make stupid mistakes.

We sat in silence for a long moment when we heard someone approaching the office. _It's her, it sounds like she is fine, ready to go home as soon as I release her._ Relief washed over me for a moment. _You should go see her, keep up the appearances; we can talk about this with the family later._ The thought of our family's reaction made me worry again, it was funny when it was a _crush_, but now I had put them in danger, they wouldn't find it amusing anymore.

I got up as the knock at the door came. The nurse handed Carlisle a file, confirming what he had told me. "You go see your friends, let Bella know she will be able to go home as soon as I get down there," he smiled as he turned back to the nurse to find out about Tyler, the boy who had been driving the van. It seemed he did not fair as well as Bella, but still was not hurt badly.

I took the stairs to the ER and walked near her room, avoiding the waiting room where her friends and family would be, I didn't want to have to answer any questions.

I stopped at the double doors leading into the exam room her and Tyler shared. I could hear him apologizing profusely. She seemed to be ignoring him. I looked into his thoughts quickly, trying to find out if she had said anything about me. _I can't believe this, I was going to ask her out too…now I almost ran her over, how will that work now…_I was not in his thoughts. This was a good sign. She is a very desirable creature I thought with a laugh. I entered the room quietly; Tyler's eyes were wide when he recognized me but he was silent. Bella had her eyes closed.

I walked to the end of her bed and breathed in her alluring scent. I could tell by her breathing she was only pretending to be asleep, so I asked without concern of waking her, "Is she sleeping?" Her eyes popped open and glared at me, agitation very present in the deep brown eyes.

My question must have snapped Tyler out of the shock that my presents had brought as well. I saw in his mind that Bella had stuck with our story, she had told him I was standing next to her. He began, "Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry –," I stopped him before he continued.

"No blood, no foul," I told him.

Then it hit me, a reason. I had a reason I had saved her. If the van had hit her, had spilled her blood, there wouldn't be any doubt that I would have become the monster I was at the smell of her flowing blood, I would have surely exposed us. This was the reason. It _had_ to be.

I moved over to sit on the side of Tyler's bed, relief for a valid reason washed over me, no matter how hard I had to work to find it.

Bella was very headstrong, she wasn't happy. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked as if I didn't know. I was going to go about this casually, no reason to worry, maybe I could trust Alice.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go," she eyed me angrily. "How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

I thought about that for a moment and shrugged, "It's all about who you know." And then I heard Carlisle coming down the hall and decided to alleviate her unhappiness, "But don't worry, I came to spring you." I smiled at her as Carlisle came into the room.

He glanced at me quickly from the corner of his eye, _everything still okay I guess._ I moved my head almost undetectable up and down in a nod.

Carlisle greeted bell and gave her the news that everything was fine. He checked her head, lightly probing the injured area. She grimaced lightly. "Tender?" he asked.

"Not really" she replied. She was a bad liar. Carlisle thought the same. I tried to suppress a laugh at his thought.

"Well, your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy to have trouble with your eyesight at all." Doctor's orders, maybe she would listen to him.

"Can't I go back to school?" she asked. What a strange girl, a free pass from the monotony of school, yet she wants to go back. I couldn't imagine why, and since I can't see her thoughts, I guess I couldn't know.

Carlisle tried to reason with her, "Maybe you should take it easy today." _She just almost got crushed by a van; you would think she would want to go home. _I was glad she wasn't only a mystery to me.

"Does _he _get to go to school?" she sent me a spiteful glare.

I was sure this was making it worse, but I couldn't help myself. "Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," I shot back haughtily.

_Now, now, Edward, be nice. _Then out loud, my father told us, "Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

I felt the air change as the blush went to her face. _Beautiful_ I thought. "Oh, no," she moaned, throwing her hands to her face. She really did not like the attention, it wasn't an act.

Amused now, Carlisle asked, "Do you want to stay?" _Interesting girl, Edward_ he thought as she assured him she wanted to go and he advised her again, though pointlessly, to take medicine for the pain after she almost fell onto the floor as she got up from the bed. _We may want to keep an eye on her…_

"It doesn't hurt that bad," she maintained.

"Sounds like you were extremely lucky," he smiled as he signed her chart.

She looked over at me again with a somewhat different expression in her eyes. "Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me" she added. What was she doing? Testing to see if she could illicit a reaction from my father? She is going to be difficult.

This caught Carlisle off guard. "Oh, well, yes," he was very obviously trying to brush off the response. He turned to the other bed to speak with Tyler then, not wanting to continue the conversation, I could only hope the bump on her head was obscuring her observations today.

She stole to my side quickly as Carlisle turned away from us. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" She whispered the request.

Difficult and stubborn, she wasn't letting this go. "Your father is waiting for you," I hissed back.

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," she persisted.

Anger flared in me again, why couldn't she just be happy I had saved her and forget about the rest? I walked out of the room, around the corner, fast enough she had to work to catch up. I spun around as we were out of ear shot of Tyler. "What do you want?"

"You owe me an explanation."

Of all the nerve, I had saved her life, and as far as she knew, risking my own, and I owe her? "I saved your life – I don't owe you anything."

She recoiled from my response, knowing I was right, but she did not leave it alone. "You promised."

"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about." I said it, but knew it would not help the situation.

"There's nothing wrong with my head," she was becoming angry too – like she had any right.

I glower at her, my irritation starting to fester. "What do you want from me, Bella?" I asked her. What was she expecting as far as an explanation?

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I am lying for you."

"What do you _think_ happened?" I really wanted to know. I couldn't stand this, arguing with her, having no idea what she was looking for really, beside the _truth _as she put it.

She rattled off what she had seen, notably me lifting the van before it crushed her legs and the dents that I had caused in the process. Very observant in such a situation I thought, it would be interesting in some other context. She seemed to realize how unreasonable her version of events seemed as she relayed them.

I decided it would be safest to continue in the line that she was crazy if she thought that happened. "You think I lifted a van off you?" I asked with a dubious tone. She nodded. "Nobody would believe that, you know." I was mocking her now.

"I am not going to tell anybody" she said through clenched teeth. She sounded like she was telling the truth, but then why all the questioning?

"The why does it matter?" I was interested at her continued obligation to not tell anyone.

"It matter's to me, I don't like to lie – so there'd better be a good reason why I am doing it," she answered bluntly. I understood her argument, but it didn't change anything, I wasn't explaining anything to her.

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you" she said, still obviously upset and unmoving.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" I was irritated and amused by her at the same time. How stubborn could she be?

"No."

"In that case…" I thought of many things I could say, or do._ I could end it, wait until she was alone and give her the explanation she so badly wanted, only that is the last thing she would know. _I shook this thought off immediately, that now familiar pain rose in my chest. I continued with the only thing I could say, "I hope you enjoy disappointment." I put finality in my voice I hoped she understood.

She glared at me, searching my eyes. I just stared back. She broke the silence. "Why did you even bother?" she asked.

What had she seen in my eyes? Had she seen the monster, the hate? The pain was back. "I don't know," I whispered. It was the only answer I could give her; it was the truth, why couldn't I just leave her alone, stop interfering. I turned and walked away before she could see anything else in my eyes.

I waited for her to leave with her father and went back into the hospital to find Carlisle. I _heard_ him right away and found him almost as quickly in his office.

_That didn't go too well, son, _he was solemn. I nodded in acknowledgment. _She is quite a girl, there was no yield coming I suppose you did what you had to do. I am afraid the family would like to talk to you. _I winced at this, it wouldn't be enjoyable, but I nodded. _I will see you at home_ he smiled as he walked out of the room.

I called Alice as I left the hospital; I wanted to ready myself for what was coming.

She answered on the first ring, "Oh, Edward!" she laughed as she answered the phone. "How's Bella?" she asked though I am sure everyone, especially her, knew by now.

"Alice, how bad?" is all I could ask.

"It won't be fun and we should talk before so I can fill you in on some stuff…" she was in a good mood considering what was coming. "Come home, I have the car, nothing was happening at school after the excitement this morning." She hung up before I could say anything.

What _stuff_ did she want to tell me? She could be so cryptic sometimes, usually it didn't bother me because I could see it in her mind, but over the phone it was annoying.

As soon as I had walked far enough away from the hospital and any prying eyes I ran home to ready myself for a storm.

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Wow…that was a long chapter…most of it is from the book (again, I don't own any of it!)...I think there may be a few good reactions, but otherwise it was just a chapter I had to do to go any further…

**REVIEW PLEASE**

**8o)**

Next chapter: Alice and Edward, she tells him about her vision of him and Bella...and maybe the fight depending on how long their conversation lasts.


	8. Happy

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

I have never wrote anything like this but her characters are so multidimensional and complicated that I needed to think about Edward's thoughts and have used this as an exercise (to use Stephenie's words again) and excuse to reread the books for the 100th time…ok…so this is the **Shadow of a Midnight Sun**…a continuation sometime after the chapter Stephenie posted on her sight.

_Alice…and an argument…_

* * *

**Happy**

_Let's go out, _Alice took me by the arm as I came in the front door and led me around the back of the house. The ice from the morning was turning to water and the clouds were holding but there was no rain.

I hesitated, but Alice was persistent. "What is it Alice, I don't really feel like taking a hike today"

_You don't want to go in the house right now; you might want to wait for Carlisle…_

She had a point, there would be no reasoning with just the three of them, I could hear there contemptuous thoughts on the lawn. Even Jasper was no longer taking pity on me; he had other ideas for the situation. I blocked them out quickly, I didn't need to hear it now, I would get plenty later.

"Okay Alice, we are far enough from the house; the others cannot hear us," I stopped in front of her once we were deep into the trees.

_I want to show you something. _I sighed loudly, still not in the mood for cryptic conversations. _It is good, you will see, _she added quickly. I didn't say anything; she was the one who wanted to talk.

_So, it is about Bella…_My stomach would have fell with the thought of her name, if it actually could have. Alice looked at me with concern. _You okay?_

"I'm fine, – could you just show me what we came out here for," I snapped.

"Yeah, fine," she seemed to be stalling. "Um, Edward, I need you to remember, this is suppose to be a good thing." I stood there in front of her becoming more and more irritated by the moment. She saw this and decided to go on.

I watched her as she seemed to be summoning up something in her head. I knew this meant she would be showing me a vision. A vision of Bella? Why would Alice have a vision of Bella…unless…no, I couldn't see how I could…I should do it…all the problems would be over, it is what Rose, Emmett, and Jasper were going to suggest…but I couldn't….I was shaking my head at the thought.

"Edward!" Alice brought me back to reality. "Are you going to _read_ my vision or not, it is important!"

"Yeah, fine…okay…" I tried to focus. Reading Alice's visions was sometimes jarring, much more vivid than the average though. I braced my mind for it…for whatever it was that Alice thought was good news.

Then it came…in flashes…_Bella and I in my car…Bella and I in my meadow…Bella and I in a room that must be her bedroom…the sweet aroma of her blood… _This was confusing; I pulled myself out of Alice's mental picture. But she grabbed my arm and looked directly into my eyes. _No, there is more _she thought with urgency. I looked back at her, not ready to see what she wanted me to see.

It was nothing at first…_Bella and I, I can't tell where or when, we look happy…but there is something different – not with me, I look the same, of course – but Bella…she is very pale, more so than normal…still beautiful...the scent of her still present…but…_

It hit me, hard. "NO!" I jump back from Alice's touch as if she was causing the pain I felt. I glared at her, how had she thought this was good? This was bad.

"Edward, she doesn't expose us…it will be okay…" She did not see the problem with her vision.

"But she is dead Alice!" my voice louder than I had meant it to be.

"No, Edward, she is one of us…you and her…you are in love…you are even mar–" A growl rose in my chest. She looked shocked and confused by my reaction. "Did I show you the wrong vision?" she was searching her mind to find it again, I spoke fast to stop her.

"You showed me the _right_ vision Alice," I scowled at her. "You don't honestly think I would let that happen, do you?"

Still somewhat distressed by the way the conversation was going, Alice looked at me. _Why wouldn't you want this Edward, you would be happy?_

"At what expense, Alice? Her life?" I shook my head.

_It would be her choice, I saw it. It could change, she has to make the decision, but for now that seems to be the path._

"I would never give her that choice," I told her matter-of-factly. "Besides, if those three have any say, her life will be over tonight, and since those predictions obviously happen in the future, you must be wrong."

_I don't think so…I have been having them since that first day, even before you left. I had been so wrapped up in Jas I had pushed them back, but they have been there. _She was sad now; she had thought I would take this differently. _I just want you to be happy, like in my visions…_

I shook my head, "This would not make me happy, going back to normal would make me happy," I told her truthfully.

_You have never been HAPPY Edward, you just exist. I see that you can be happy, why can't you accept it?_

"Alice, I am not going to talk about this." I turned from her quickly and began walking toward the house.

She was right behind me, her mood changing now to match mine. _I just wanted you to know why I would be taking your side today so we wouldn't waste time with the questions. _

I stopped and turned around to look her in the face. "Alice, if that vision is the reason you are on my _side_, you are unquestionably not."

She stuck her tongue out me in rebuttal. I rolled my eyes and headed back to the house. Carlisle had just arrived.

--

I had been at the house for a couple of hours, staying near Carlisle so that this wouldn't start until he was ready. The continuous flow of venomous thoughts from the entire house…even Alice, though she maintained she was on my _side…_told me this would be bad.

Carlisle called everyone down sooner than I had imagined. _Let's get this taken care of_ he thought when he saw the horror on my face. _We are all adults, they will be reasonable._ I wish I could believe this, but I knew better, I could hear them, practically ready to tear me to shreds.

Everyone gathered in the dining room, family meetings being the only time we used this room, normally only for show in case of a guest, I stood on the far end of the room, not making eye contact with any of them.

Carlisle started, "So everyone knows why we are here. We need to decide what we should do, if we should do anything, about this situation."

_Easy enough, we get rid of the girl while we still can…_Emmett had been picturing ways to make Bella's death look like an accident all afternoon.

_Only one solution if we want to stay here…_Jasper wasn't as excited by the prospect of killing this human as he might have been, but it was still the only resolution he had.

_I have better things to do that talk about that stupid girl…_Rosalie twisting her mouth in the nastiest grin she could manage. Aloud she remarked, "_He_ has to get rid of her or leave, but since there are seven of us and we don't want to leave, and only one of her for now, it would be easy enough to get rid of her."

"I agree," Jasper seconded her thought, adding a guilty shrug towards me.

"I'll help…" Emmett chimed in, malevolence in his snarl.

I stepped forward now, the anger in my voice uncontrollable. "This is NOT your decision to make," I told them. "She isn't an old dog that will be forgotten, there are dangers in killing her too." I wasn't concerned with these dangers but could not tell them the truth.

"Man, you are the one who decided her fate when you sprinted across the parking lot to save her," Emmett's tone matched mine. "Don't blame_ us_ that _you_ have to do this. If she goes blabbing to those children at that school…or her _dad…_we will be the ones that are in danger, all because you can't control yourself around some useless human!" Rosalie smirked at me, enjoying Emmett's tirade. Growls filled the room as I ready myself to spring at Emmett.

"Now, boys, calm down," Carlisle interceded calmly. "This is of course Edward's mess to clean up, but according to Alice it isn't a problem. I don't see any need in killing this poor girl or us moving on right now." He looked over at me.

"Maybe if I left, she would forget about me and what I did." I could live with that.

Emmett and Rosalie were not happy with this idea. _Still too dangerous…it is ridiculous to keep her alive._

"Esme?" I looked at my mother.

A sad smile on her face, she thought, _do whatever you need to do; I just want you to be happy and wish you would stay here with us._ I nodded slowly.

Alice stood up from her chair. I glared at her in warning. _Whatever Edward, this is silly_. "Listen, I see it all, it works out." She told everyone.

"Oh, well Alice says it all works out, and we all know how right she _always_ is," Emmett's voice full of sarcasm now.

Jasper jumped up in Alice's defense, putting himself between her and Emmett. She pushed him back into his chair, "Don't get involved, you obviously feel the same way…" He flinched at the anger in her voice.

It was time to end this. "Okay," I raised my voice to be heard over the growls between Alice and Emmett, Jasper still ready to spring if Emmett made a move. "I am NOT going to kill her and I am not going to leave…I will watch and see what she does, if I get the slightest hint she is going to expose us I will change my plan."

Emmett and Rosalie rolled their eyes in unison. "Yeah, because doing nothing worked so well before," Rosalie shot back at me.

"I will keep my distance, give her no reason to look at me, any of us, and more than she has to. She will go on with her life and us with ours."

"We trust you Edward," Carlisle smiled. I didn't think he spoke for everyone.

We dispersed from the room. Rosalie and Emmett left the house immediately not looking back at any of us. Jasper followed an angry Alice to their room, not saying a word but looking sorry for having taken a side against his wife. Esme gave me a hug, nodding her approval at my decision and Carlisle continued to sit at the table eyeing me with interest.

_What are you going to do? _He asked.

"Just as I said, I will keep a watch for any suspicious thoughts about us, I always do, and I will stay as far as possible from her."

He nodded, "Sounds good, just let us know if we should worry," He has not sign of concern in his voice.

Seemed like a plan to me, one that _everyone_ could eventually be happy with.

* * *

??

...if we had Alice in Twilight, we wouldn't have needed the other books!! 8o)

Let me know what you think...


	9. Working

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

The month Edward ignored Bella…

A big thanks to _acireamos_, my beta reader…because of her Edward has a much more graceful vocabulary!

* * *

**Working**

I left the house after the argument, not sure where I was going, just knew that I had to clear my head. I decided that there was only one place I could go where I would be sure to be alone. I ran towards the small clearing deep in the woods. I liked going to this place, in my head I called it _my _meadow. It was mine; I had never shared it with anyone. I had never seen anyone else there, I could be there and it would be quiet. With the voices of everyone around me constantly in my head, there were very few places I could truly be alone.

As I arrived, I slowed, thinking about the vision Alice had shown me earlier. I had seen myself, with Bella, here in my sanctuary. Moreover, in the vision, it was the brightest of days. I laughed at this thought. If Bella, or any human, were to see one of us in the sun, she wouldn't be just sitting and enjoying a nice day in a meadow, she would be running scared. That would be the normal human reaction to such a sight; their most basic instincts would tell them that there was danger, beauty, but danger. The vision was wrong, all wrong.

This little human, more breakable than most, meant nothing to me, I tried to tell myself. She was just a curiosity because of her strange ability, albeit one unknown to her, to hide her thoughts from me. I could let this go; her thoughts were of no significance. I would have to listen for any sign of betrayal, any sign that she was going to tell someone what had actually happened, but I would not have any other reason to pay any further attention to her. If fate decided, once again, to take her, I would let it happen; it wasn't of any importance to me.

My thoughts drifted back to that impossible vision. Why had Alice shown it to me? Furthermore, how could she have this vision? Bella didn't know what we were; she couldn't, so she would never become one of us, no matter what decision was made. I smiled to myself. Alice's vision had to have changed after this afternoon, my decision changed it, I was sure.

I sat in the meadow, readying myself for the next day. I would listen, I would not engage _her_ in anyway, and everything would go back to normal. No matter what. "No matter what." I repeated aloud.

--

Nothing. No one thought of anyone but Bella. She was surrounded by people all day; they made her replay the whole scene over and over. I could hear her, obviously annoyed, telling them how I had saved her, maintaining I was beside her all along. Though a couple mention they had not seen me until after, none of them paid me any mind. They all worked so hard to pretend we weren't here; they had no interest in my part of the story. Their instincts naturally made them refrain from any curiosity.

That is, everyone but Mike Newton. He heard her, every time she retold the story, giving me credit for saving her life and each time his thoughts would become envious, as if I were lucky to have gotten the chance. _Stupid Cullen, why couldn't it have been me beside her, I want her to notice me, and instead all she can do is talk about how he saved her._ I smiled to myself thinking of what it would have meant if he had been with her at the moment, they would both be dead now, I had no doubt. He should be thanking me for saving his _girlfriend _I thought, humorlessly_._ Oddly, I flinched at the word. She wasn't his girlfriend, but what did I care if she were? It didn't make one bit of difference to me.

I continued to listen for any change in her story, any hint that she was telling Jessica about how I had been across the parking lot or that I had lifted the van. _I bet she loves this, more attention for Bella. Everyone is so worried about poor Bella. She didn't even get a scratch. Mike hangs on her every word like she is so interesting._ I hate this, if only I could hear what Bella was thinking, I wouldn't have to let this annoying child in my head.

_Anything we need to worry about? _Alice asked, though no real curiosity was in the question. I shook my head at her, lowering my eyes. It was lunch, I needed to listen. There was plenty of time for Bella to tell someone what she thought had actually happened, I needed to focus.

I heard the voices from her table as they continued to barrage her with questions about the accident, about her hospitalization, about how she felt; about everything except me. Not one of them had given my heroics a second thought. I began to relax as lunch wore on and nothing changed.

As we slowly moved from the table to go to class I heard Emmett growl in his thoughts, _let's see if he can handle it._ I shot him a nasty glare as we put away our trays. He didn't have to worry about me. I was anticipating some problems today, a confrontation similar to the previous day perhaps, but I knew she didn't like to draw attention to herself. I figured it would be easy enough to avoid a scene. She seemed perceptive; I would simply leave her no doubt of my disinterest in speaking to her. Then she could begin the process of forgetting and go on with her life with the other humans.

"If you start feeling bad or something tell me and I can take you to the nurse." Mike was still talking about the events from the day before. _Great! Now she is going to go sit by HIM, her hero...they were friendly the other day but now she will really start to like him...I wish Mr. Banner would let me switch lab partners, maybe I should talk to him..._

I was already in my seat, ready but not going to go back on my word. I would say nothing to her until she addressed me and then I would end it quickly. "Hello, Edward." She said, very quietly and with a friendly tone, she was letting me know she would not be replaying the quarrel from the day before. That made it easier. I didn't want to be boorish, so I decided I must at least acknowledge her greeting. Barely moving my head I nodded slightly and turned back to stare at the blackboard. That should do it, I have given her my message, I wasn't speaking to her. It was over.

And she seemed to understand my intent. There were no more attempts at conversation. In fact, it seemed as if everything was going as planned. Outside of the one hour a day that I sat next to her, my life seemed to go back to normal. But I could not lie, that one hour, the hour where she was so close to me I could reach out and touch her, was sometimes unbearable. I could not pinpoint where the difficulty was. Occasionally her scent would hit me hard and I would have to fight the monster within me. But other days her expression would intrigue my curiosity and I would find myself frustrated from trying to hear her thoughts and failing.

Another confession, one I could only make to myself, was that when I was alone I often thought about her. I wanted to talk to her, to understand the depth in her eyes, to know her. But this was an admission I was never willing to divulge to anyone, not even to myself most of the time. I found myself listening to those around her as well, never realizing it until I was caught up in a conversation. I would always justify the awareness to myself with a claim of vigilance; I had to know if she had decided to tell someone about the accident. I would never let any of my family know I had thought of the girl every day since I had isolated myself from her.

Most of the family did not notice any changes in me at all; that was except for Alice, she knew me too well. _Edward, you are miserable, why can't I just tell everyone what I saw? _I had been right about her first vision, the entire thing had vanished now and she was upset about it. _You were so happy...and so was I. _She never explained that part, I never pressed her either. There was no need, the vision was gone now.

The _moping _Alice so insolently alluded to when she would try to persuade a change of heart would dissipate, if not very soon, then as soon as I was away from Isabella Swan. There were only so many days left in the current school year, and then I would be sure I was no where near her in the next. There was no reason to worry.

March finally arrived. Everything was still working out well. Bella seemed to be going about her life, ignoring me as completely as I did her, only stealing glances on occasion when she thought I would not notice. Unfortunately, I noticed. But no matter, it did not change a thing. I was steadfast on this fact.

My family and I were discussing some upcoming travel plans during the lunch period when I first noticed it. _I can't believe this, maybe Eric will go with me, I should ask him. But then what if Mike decides he wants to go with me? I know he is waiting for Bella to ask him, stupid Bella, always the center of attention..._Jessica, again. She was a monster, so friendly to Bella on the outside, but so full of jealousy and hatred, that urge to protect Bella flared inside me again. I shook it off immediately; it was illogical for me to have these feelings. But I continued to listen despite myself.

_I wonder if Bella would ask me, _Eric Yorkie was thinking about the _Girl's Choice_ soiree that would be held in the gym in a few weeks time as well. It was a silly event, one that we would avoid at all cost. He was not the only one who had Bella on their mind. What is with this girl? There was something strange bubbling inside of me as I thought about this, listening to these boys' thoughts about her.

As I walked to Biology I decided that I could not do this anymore, I was being ridiculous. I had to stop thinking about her, I had to stop listening for her name. I had to stop, completely. I would stop, now.

* * *

Review, review, review…I may update sooner. Eh, or not, we'll never know unless you review…so please?!


	10. Fun

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

…he will stop thinking about her…yes…that is exactly what he will do…sure, sure…

* * *

**Fun**

In the same manner as each day since the accident I sat at the far edge as she sat down at our table. I felt the burn in the back of my throat as her scent wafted into my lungs and I took it in, enjoying it a bit. Newton had taken to roosting himself on the edge of the desk talking to Bella everyday before class, both of them pretending as if I did not exist. Being so close I couldn't help but hear their conversation and his thoughts, always on her.

_I just need to ask…just ask…just ask her…_of course. "So…" he started hesitantly as he began to file through different scenarios of posing his question. "Jessica asked me to the spring dance." _Please understand, I don't want to go with Jess, I want you to ask me…_

"That's great!" she sounded like her happiness was forced, is she jealous perhaps? "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." Mike's thoughts wavered momentarily, but he found hope._ She just doesn't understand, maybe Jessica didn't tell her… _

"Well…I told her I had to think about it." _I couldn't say yes if there was a chance. _I wanted to laugh out loud at this boy's persistence, but maybe she really didn't see how much he liked her. She doesn't seem to understand much any of them _like _her.

She was suddenly stern in her reply, "Why would you do that?" Is she angry?

His embarrassment got the best of him now, turning the brightest of reds. _Great, now I will just have to ask her._ "I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me."

With his intentions finally verbalized, I found myself as eager to hear her answer as he was. The sudden need to know what she was thinking was unbearable. Did she desire his attention? Would she allow him to accompany her to this dance? I suddenly realized that I knew what I wanted her to say; I wanted her to say no to this boy; no to _any _boy. The intensity of my thoughts startled me. My mind raced, a different monster that I did not recognize rose inside of me, _say no…no you don't want to go with him…no you will not be his…_ _you're mine. _I did not understand this, where had it come from? I knew it was wrong, I knew that I could not really feel this way. She was just a human, insignificant. I was only a beast; I wanted her blood, nothing more.

Finally she answered, "Mike, I think you should tell her yes." The monster quieted, but still lingered.

He was crestfallen, _I'm too late; she's asked someone else…him maybe_. His eyes flash on me.

_Better me than you_, I thought angrily. He needed to leave, the monster wanted him to leave, but then I reasoned that he could elicit some understanding of her rejection that I could not, that is what the fiend inside of me wanted, what _I_ wanted. I waited for her to answer him after voicing his silent question.

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all." I detected no hint of deceit in her voice, but could not be sure. Maybe there was someone else, my thoughts matching Newton's. I did not pay attention to the rest of their conversation. I was trying to see inside her head, the inability to _hear _her was pushing me to the brink of insanity. How could I placate this new monster if I could not give it what little it desired?

When the instructor began his class, Newton was forced to leave us for his own seat. My full focus was on her, I was trying to penetrate her thoughts. She turned to me and I held her eyes, hoping that if I gazed hard into the deep brown abyss her thoughts would expose themselves.

"Mr. Cullen?" I heard the teacher waiting for as answer to question I hadn't heard. _The Krebs Cycle,_ he thought. I voiced aloud his answer, having to give up on my quest; I turned to look ahead at the instructor. When I allowed her eyes to leave mine she quickly shifted herself, using her hair as a fragrant barrier between us. I listened to her heartbeat slow and quicken throughout the class, my desire to understand her never wavering. I found Mike's voice in the effort. _Its okay, she wasn't going to the dance either way, so there is still a chance…_he had convinced himself of her truthfulness. W_hy did she HAVE to go to Seattle that weekend? I guess I can give Jessica the good news after school, she will be happy…_

There was the possibility that Bella had said no so that Mike would go with her friend – that wicked Jessica Stanley. She did not know what an awful person Jessica was and counted her amongst her friends. Bella seemed like a selfless person, sacrificing herself like she did for her mother's happiness, this was definitely a possibility.

What could I do? I had to continue to honor my promise to my family; I could pay her no mind. She was a small human, who I happen to feel – well, I don't know what it was that I felt. I knew I wanted her, again, but for what I was not sure. I wanted her blood, but there was something else, the other monster, the unfamiliar need. The bell rang.

"Bella?" What was I doing? What could I possibly want to say to her? I couldn't…

"What? Are you speaking to me again?" A hint of anger or annoyance in her voice, she was angry with me.

My head whirled at the thought; if she cared enough to be offended by my behavior she must feel something for me. The new monster liked this. But was I speaking to her, could I? "No, not really."

More annoyed by my answer, she seemed to be concentrating on something, her eyes closed. She was making herself very vulnerable in my presence, more than I would like her to be. She continued, "then what do you want, Edward" I felt a stirring inside me when she said my name.

But I could not dwell on this, I needed to explain, I didn't want to be the source of her pain. And I could see in her expression that I was. How could I explain? "I'm sorry. I am being very rude, I know. But it is better this way." I am not sure that would help any, but I needed to apologize, needed for her to understand that I wasn't trying to hurt her, quite the opposite. By not getting close to her I was actually protecting her.

"I don't know what that means," she said, confused by my vague declaration.

How could I explain, when I myself did not understand how I felt? Could I tell her, could I just simply say I can't speak to you because part of me would just assume kill you and feast on your blood than smile and enjoy your company? Though a part of me wanted that too, but it was not enough. No, I could not say this, but I wanted to…felt like I needed to bare my soul to her, make her understand. "It's better if we're not friends, Trust me." I said trying to convince myself of the very same fact.

This elicited a reaction I hadn't expected from her. "It's too bad you didn't figure it out earlier," she was speaking through clenched teeth, "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

What? "Regret?" What could she possibly mean by that? "Regret for what?"

Without hesitation she shot back, "For not just letting that stupid van squish me."

Is she daft? Where did she get _regret _from? This made the odd pain in my chest flare worse that before. She was absurd, completely irrational, why was I even having this conversation? Frustration flowed from me to cover the hurt I felt at her insinuation. "You think I regret saving your life?" – Far from it. I only stay away to keep her safe, denying myself what I really want so that _she_ can live, and she tells me that _I_ regret my actions? She is infuriating!

"I _know _you do," her voice full of conviction.

"You don't know anything," I almost growled, anger blooming in my chest. I had been thinking of this girl nonstop for weeks now and this is the response I get when I speak to her? I should have tried to explain this earlier; it might have prevented her from coming to this flawed assumption. She must truly think I am a monster, which is not that far from the truth.

Bella picked up her books, looking like she may have had more to say but then she turned to escape from the room, obviously thinking better of it. I almost chuckled when she tripped and her books scattered on the ground outside the classroom. I moved quickly, more quickly than I should have, to gather her books from the ground, already handing the pile to her by the time she decided to retrieve them.

A hard "Thank you," was all I received for my efforts.

This girl is ridiculous! "You're welcome," was the most I could manage to say without attempting to drag out our argument, but it would do no good.

The emotions from the past hour were flaring in me as I decided that I would skip Spanish today. I didn't want to hear the childish and hormonally driven thoughts of my classmates, I needed to be alone. I headed to the parking lot deciding whether to wait for my siblings or simply run home leaving them to drive themselves. I would wait. I needed the hour, I need to think…and maybe see her again…

My mind went over the conversation I had just had, the anger, hurt, and the complete lack of understanding frustrating me more ever time I replayed it. And then there was the other voice, the unknown one, and I was beginning to understand what it was. It was not what I had been expecting, not that I had ever expected to feel this particular emotion. Jealousy. So much more powerful that I could have imagined, I had read it in other humans an infinite number of times, in Rose on occasion, but to feel it in your body was so much more. But why? Why had this human emotion taken over?

Taking a deep breath I leapt out of the car, the day would soon be over and I was safe from any prying eyes. I began to pace the length of the parking lot, attempting to clear my head. I had to forget about her, never talk to her again. I needed to push her from my mind or my brothers and sisters might see my betrayal.

The last bell rang and the classes began to empty. As I was passing by the furthest building from my vehicle, looking as if I had just left a class myself, I heard an excited thought; I only paid attention because of her name. _Bella said no to Mike…that means she might be waiting to ask me, I will make sure I make myself available to her. No, I will just ask her, she is shy; it would be easier for her if I just ask. _Eric Yorkie was picturing them at the dance, it looked like a scene from one of those estrogen pumped high school dramas.

This made me chuckle, lifting my spirits slightly, but the jealousy flamed in the back of my chest again. Was this it, was she just looking for the right boy to ask her? Was Yorkie the right one? Since he decided to stand at her truck to wait for her to leave I slowed to almost a stop, I was anxious to hear her answer. I stepped to the side of the walkway far enough that no one would suspect that I would be able to hear the conversation I was waiting for, and began shifting through the books I had carried as if looking for something. And then I heard her name again, this time another boy,

_She said no to Mike! Maybe it was just an excuse. She is so pretty, but maybe she likes me. I will have to find her and ask her. I will. The very next time I see her, maybe tomorrow. _I closed my eyes and let the alien feelings subside as Crowley went on with his fantasies. This girl was very powerful, I wondered if she had any idea.

"I was just wondering…if you would go to the spring dance with me." She had arrived at her truck and was moving to get into it as he asked. _Damn, that was harder than I expected. I hope she didn't hear that._

"I thought it was girls' choice?" She sounded as if she hadn't expected the question. I waited with baited breath, moving very slowly towards my car, only two spaces from hers. _Oh, maybe she wanted to ask me…now I have ruined it. _

"Thank you for asking, but I am going to be in Seattle that day." My mind relaxed as she dismissed him and I was amused by the sheer aggravation in her voice and in her face. As long as she was still saying no, I could enjoy this. I laughed quietly as I walked past her truck, suppressing a smile so that she might not notice. She put her foot on the gas; possibly in response to my expression.

As long as she was indeed not planning on going to the dance, I thought I may as well extend this fun and give Tyler a chance as I found his voice. _Oh man, she is alone, but I can't get over there before she drives away._ I could help him out. I jumped in the car and pulled out before she had time to pull away, leaving her stuck behind me. I had a valid excuse for waiting, my siblings had not made it to the car but I could see them, I would simply wait for them here.

He thought he had never been so lucky to be in a traffic jam. _Ok, here I go..._as if we had planned the event, he jumped out of his newly acquired car and ran to her window. She was not paying attention to what was happening, I could not tell where her mind was. She jumped as he knocked. She had to work to get the window only half way down on her decrepit truck.

"I am sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen." Almost spitting my name and sounding increasingly exasperated. I liked it better when she said my first name I thought almost dreamily. Shaking this off I began to listen again, wondering if Tyler would manage to ask her.

He had. "I'm not going to be in town, Tyler," she was hardly trying to keep the anger out of her voice anymore.

"Yeah, Mike said that." He smiled at her. There was no hint of amusement or patience in her expression as I watched her in my rearview mirror.

"Then why – "

"I was hoping you were just letting him down easy," he was still hoping. Her expression became dark as she finished the conversation and my family slid into the Volvo.

The conversation over, Crowley began moving back to his car, "That's cool. We still have prom." At this, I began laughing despite myself. I drove away quickly when I detected that she was glowering at me, noticing my reaction, though she couldn't know that I had heard the exchange. I hadn't had so much fun at school in a long while.

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This is a difficult story to write…so some feedback would be greatly appreciated…

And as always, I have to thank _acireamos_, I think I sent this chapter to her three times in different stages and she was able to give me some perspective that I think made it better and will make the entire story much better. I may have given the story up without her…


	11. Selfish

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

Nighttime activities…realization…telling the family

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**Selfish**

Alice knew something had changed, but I did not look to see what she was seeing. I stayed in my room for the remainder of the afternoon listening to music, trying to drive Bella Swan from my mind. I knew it was wrong. The feelings I was having for her were wrong. I was a monster, she a human, two beings that should not mix. The only thing that could come from the pairing would be death for the weaker of the two. It was the food chain, it couldn't be denied.

But even with this knowledge, it did not change my desire. The desire for her blood, ever present, was now being eclipsed by the new feelings. I wanted her. I needed her. But how? She did not know what I was and if she did she would surely run from me. This undeniable knowledge hurt. I could not fathom how the outcome could be positive for either of us.

As the night overtook Forks I decided I needed to leave the house; go somewhere that there were no voices to push from my head. I walked downstairs carefully timing it so that I would not run into anyone. Unfortunately, Alice seemed to be waiting for me.

_I can't see what you are going to do._ She looked worried.

"Alice," I whispered, "I am just going to clear my head, nothing more."

_I know; I am not worried about you hurting her, I just never known you to be so indecisive._ She shrugged and hugged me. "It will all work out," she was smiling as she sprinted up the stairs. She knew that her enigmatic tendencies drove me mad, and since I could read her thoughts she was always careful to be sure she stayed just as cryptic in her head. I didn't even try; I just wanted to leave it all behind, just for a few hours.

I ran. I did not have a destination, or I did not think that I had a destination. But just as suddenly as I had left, I had arrived somewhere that I never would have imagined myself. I was standing in the woods just east of Fork's own Police Chief Charlie Swan's house. I stood there, unmoving for hours, listening to the sounds of the television and the one _voice_ I could hear from the house. I would not know she was there if it were not for her scent. Even from a hundred feet, I had become so in tune with her scent I could pick it out from all others. It was both heaven and hell for me now.

I could not force myself to leave my post. I watched over the house until I could only hear the quiet dreams of her father. It had become very late and I was not sure what I was going to do, but then, as if someone else was in control of my body I had moved to her window and then inside to her room. I had seen the room in Alice's vision, it was the same.

Bella was fast asleep and I could do nothing but watch her in awe. She was beautiful, everything about her; her scent, her body, even her mind, which I could not see but have had glimpses of. I had never felt this way about anyone. My breath caught in my chest as I wrapped my mind around my thoughts and feelings.

Realization came to me as I stood watching this lovely creature sleep. It was her, Isabella Swan. I felt it inside, she was meant for me. Her blood was meant for me. Her beauty was meant for me. Her life was mine. I needed to talk to her. I needed to be her friend. I needed to be so much more.

But I knew I had to fight it. I had to. I needed to save this thing that was meant for me from myself. I knew I deserved this torture, I knew that what I am is reason enough to deserve such torment, but what about her? My Bella. What had she done to deserve the peril her life was now in? Was she the demon I had thought she was that first day or just a pawn in some quest to punish my kind? She was mine and I would save her. She would never know the sacrifice this was, it was all for her and she would never know.

I stood motionless in the corner of her room, wanting to leave. I wanted to remove myself from the temptation. The bloodlust. But the other part of me wanted to remain and enjoy the pleasure of being in the same room with her. She was asleep, as long as I could practice my restraint this was something I could do and be near her.

I shouldn't be near her, I knew this. I needed to continue with the original plan, ignore her and let her forget me. She would continue on with her normal human life and I could continue with my eternal damnation. It was simple. She would eventually find someone to love, someone like Newton or Yorkie. The anger from these thoughts crept into my throat. I didn't want her to find someone else, she was mine. She belonged to me. These thoughts lingered until I felt that I may need to leave, not just her room at this moment, but leave Forks in order to avoid the temptation she was provoking.

Lost in my mind, I was startled when I heard her voice. "Edward." I jumped to remove myself from the room, I had been caught. But just as I was at the window she rolled to her side and mumbled my name again followed by a sigh. She was asleep. I watched her closely. As soon as I was sure of her unconsciousness I took a breath.

As the event unfurled itself in my mind, I suddenly felt as if I might be floating. She was dreaming of me. I was in her thoughts and she was neither angry nor aggravated. She sounded as if my name, as if I, might be pleasing to her. Dare I believe this? My cold, lifeless heart was now full, my unnecessary lungs felt as if they were constricted, I _needed _to breath but couldn't. I sat down in a chair that was in the corner of her room, careful not to make a sound. I relaxed as my breathing returned to normal, but the rapture I felt did not subside. Could her love belong to me as well?

I did not deserve this. I knew I did not. I was meant to be tortured by this girl, not made whole. Until this moment I had not realized that I was not whole within myself, but with the possibilities that were now ahead of me I knew I could not live with out her. I would not live without her, not if she wanted to be with me. My chest eased as I made the decision, I would befriend this angel. But only to protect her, I also knew I would not encourage her to love me as I would love her, I would encourage just the opposite, ask her to run from me, the monster I was, but I would always wish for what I really wanted. Her.

I recognized it was wrong. I knew I was being selfish.

I worked out my first move; she was planning a trip to Seattle, alone. Her father had worried about her safety and now I was as well, fate could not take her from me now and if I let her go alone it may try. This miracle was not meant for me, but it was so close, I could only hope. I sat and watched her for a short time but knew I needed to take care of a few things before the day began.

--

I arrived home with a small amount of time left before the dawn. I quickly readied myself and sat impatiently in the living room waiting for the rest. Carlisle arrived home from a late shift while I was waiting.

_Edward, what's going on? _He was surprised to see me; I usually was not in any hurry to go to school.

"Nothing," I started, but then decided that I should let him know part of my decision, the rest of them would know soon enough. I sighed, "Okay, there is something, if you have a moment."

Nodding his head he moved to sit on the chair opposite me. _Go ahead._

How could I start? "Carlisle, I have changed my mind about Bella Swan." I paused to see his reaction. He just looked at me in interest, waiting for me to continue. "What I mean is that I don't think I am going to ignore her anymore, she didn't reveal what happened that day and I think it is safe to be friendly." I said that last word slowly, letting the connotation of the word be unclear, even to myself. "I just wanted you to be aware, since I believe it will incite anger from some of the family, but you said it was my decision to make and this is what I want now."

He was thinking now, I tried not to listen so that he could give me his answer when he was ready. "Edward," a smile on his face, "I trust you to do what is right, if being a friend to Ms. Swan is important to you, then you should be just that."

"Thank you," was all I could say before my siblings' thoughts alerted me to their looming presence.

_Good luck _he thought sincerely as I moved from the couch.

I settled into the car as the rest of them took their respective places. I knew this would not be a pleasant trip. The worry on my face alerted Alice. _Don't worry, it won't be as bad as you think,_ she winked at me with a sly smile. Nothing can ever happen without her knowing how it going to turn out, but this time I was glad, her thought gave me hope.

"Listen, I have to tell you all something." I started, realizing the statement seemed ominous. They all stopped speaking and their thoughts quieted waiting for me to continue. "Well, I have changed my mind…"

_You have to say it out loud Edward, we are not mind readers! _Rosalie, of course, was in a foul mood this morning. This announcement should make it better, I though glumly. I almost thought better of telling them, it would be much easier for them to just see or hear about it at school, they wouldn't make a scene there. I shook this off; it was ridiculous to be afraid of my family.

Deciding I would continue, I sighed, "I am going to befriend Bella Swan." I said it so fast that I thought maybe they would not even understand me. But then I heard their different replies, all coming at once.

"No, you promised!" Rosalie hissed.

Emmett laughed, "Knew he couldn't last!"

"Finally, I thought he was going to drive me mad." Jasper whispered. _Sorry man, your depression was getting to me, _he said silently.

Alice just smirked.

All of this happened at once. I was not sure which way to direct my stare. "So what are you all saying?" I ask the entire car as a whole.

"It is stupid, Edward, but you seem to have a weak spot for this girl. You have been pouting around like a five year old for weeks now and I was just waiting for you to break…"Emmett was enjoying this, he liked me being weak. It made him feel like the strongest of the three of us.

Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head. "Don't be stupid, he can't do this, it is too risky." Her thoughts were livid, _stupid boy putting our lives in danger so he can talk to an ordinary human girl. Of all the idiotic things… _

"I am not doing anything to put us in danger," I promised them. "I am just going to be polite and speak to her instead of ignoring her completely. Nothing to worry about…If I can't handle it I will go back to the original plan."

Alice shook her head almost imperceptibly, she knew my intentions._ I won't tell. I know it will be fine._ _You shouldn't lie though; it will just make it worse._ I glared at her, warning her to stay quiet.

Then I began to file through what had been said, "Hey, Jas, what do you mean depressed? I have not been depressed. And I do not pout, Emmett." A brief silence was followed by a round of laughter from most of the car. Rosalie was the only one not joining in with the pleasure the car was getting from my denial

Alice, finally able to control her amusement, decided to respond. "Edward, I don't think I have ever met anyone who mopes more than you, even before Bella Swan. And ever since she arrived it has gotten so bad that Jasper has been unable to fight it off."

_It's true_, Jasper nodded when I caught his eye in the rearview mirror. I did not know what they could be talking about. I had been normal these past weeks, I may have thought about Bella some, but I was not depressed. I could not comprehend their accusations. And Alice thought that I was always moping? I was a content person, I have never looked for anything more than I have. My siblings were only being facetious; there was no truth to it.

I looked at Rosalie for an answer; she would tell me the truth. She noticed me looking at her and sneered, "Please Edward, you are the biggest baby I have ever seen." This declaration brought the car to hysterics, causing a growl to form at the back of my throat.

Alice patted my shoulder "Oh Edward, don't be mad, it's part of your charm."

"Yeah, there is nothing more charming than a hundred year old, brooding, tormented vampire!" Emmett added, even Rosalie laughing this time. Luckily we were in the parking lot of the high school or I may have pounced on him right then.

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Very difficult chapter, but I love it…now…

So now I embark on another chapter with a lot of Bella, which means a lot of time with the book…so it will be very slow…but I will try to update soon!

And for_ acireamos_, my beta reader…a big thank you...and an apology in advance for what will probably be another 3 or 4 draft chapter! I don't like to be difficult…it just happens! ;o)

Reviews Please! Please?


	12. Multiple Personalities

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

asking her to Seattle...

* * *

**Multiple Personalities**

I was going to do this; I was going to ask Bella Swan to allow me accompany her to Seattle. I would ask her as if I was asking her on a date. If I want to be honest, I _was_ asking her on a date. I felt like one of those ridiculous human boys, placing too much importance on such an insignificant event as courting a girl. What is wrong with me?

I had no doubt that she would say yes. I was not sure how she actually felt about me, but I knew that I could entice her to do anything I wanted. I could get her alone anytime I wanted. I could do what I wanted to her. All I had to do was ask, she would bend to my will. She would _ask_ me to do what I wanted to her. It was part of what I am.

But that, manipulating her, was not what I wanted. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to protect her from me. But in the same breath, I wanted her to want me. The need had faded, but the want lingered still.

I waited for her in the parking lot, nearly jumping out of my skin every time I would hear a vehicle approaching that might be her truck, scolding myself for acting in this manner. After a while, I saw her pull in slowly, parking as far as she could manage away from my car, if this was intentional I did not know. As I watched her get out of her truck all of the feelings from the night before flooded through me. Resolve took over. I moved inhumanly fast to her truck as she dropped her keys into a puddle. I reached out and grabbed them before she had a chance to catch them. She straightened up abruptly, annoyance and surprise in her expression.

"How do you_ do_ that?"

"Do what?" I asked her innocently, as I gave her back her key, the smell of her drifting into my nose, making it impossible to focus. The need for her blood was strong when I was this close, but I could resist, I knew I could.

"Appear out of thin air," she looked at me as if gauging my candor.

I was entirely too reckless when I was around her, I needed to avoid behavior that brought notice to what I was. I should just walk away, leave her, and stick to the original plan. Her brown eyes still on me, I replied, "Bella, it is not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." Something inside me twitched, I didn't like lying to her.

Her eyes searched mine, as if trying to find the soul that did not exist. I did not break the gaze; I was trying to unravel her as well. Suddenly she looked down at her feet. "Why the traffic jam last night?" She was angry now. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

If only. But then I thought about the irritation in her voice when Crowley asked her and I chuckled. "That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." Her temper was rising, her breath caught as she muttered the beginnings of a curse. "And I'm not pretending you don't exist," I told her honestly. I was more aware of her existence that I should be, I was obsessed with it, wanted it, needed it. Couldn't she see that?

"So you _are_ trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?" This again? How infuriating could one person be, how ridiculous? She was utterly absurd and I told her as much. I knew instantly this was not good, she turned from me and walked towards the school. My heart sank, but why couldn't she understand? Could she really believe that I regretted saving her? Even if she did believe that, I shouldn't have reacted this way. I wanted to accompany her to Seattle; I didn't want her to be annoyed at me.

"Wait," I walked beside her, "I'm sorry, that was rude. I'm not saying it isn't true," I wasn't going to lie, I didn't want her to think that I wanted her dead; that I regretted saving her, "but it was rude to say it anyway."

She continued to stomp through the lot trying to move at a speed to leave me behind, I wasn't going to allow it. "Why won't you leave me alone?" she moaned.

She was very entertaining. Her emotions were intriguing to me. Humans rarely showed much emotion besides desire towards us and then fear. Her anger and annoyance at me, this was new and I knew if I could illicit such a reaction that there was a chance that what I had concluded while watching her sleep was correct. My spirits soared at this reasoning.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," I couldn't hold back the laughter in my voice from the hope.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" She could turn a conversation around without a second thought; I liked it, her spunk. But I wanted to do this, once I asked the hard part would be over. Why was this so difficult? I would have to think about that later. I reminded her that she was distracting me again.

I hoped she would oblige. With a sigh of resignation in her voice, "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

Despite myself, I could not resist a little more torture, "I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know, the day of the spring dance…"

She turned on me then, her brown eyes looking at me incredulously, "are you trying to be _funny_?"

Was there any hope behind the disdain in her voice? I didn't hear it if there was. Part of me wanted to ask her to the dance, to know if she would be willing to ask me. "Will you please allow me to finish?" I said, the enjoyment I was getting from this had to be evident. She stood completely still, no doubt ready to turn and run if I were to finish as she was expecting. I decided to ask her my original question. "I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She continued to look at me blankly, "What?"

"Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I repeated my question.

"With who?" she asked perplexed by my question. Had I been that unpleasant to speak to that she did not realize my intentions?

I should have know she would be difficult about this, I heard what she did to Newton the day before. I would have to be clear. "Myself, obviously," trying to keep the building irritation out of my voice.

"Why?"

How could I answer this question? Why did I have to have a reason? Could I just not want her company? I knew telling her the truth would be entirely too much. I settled on a half truth for the moment, one that had no real bearing on my decision but was also a valid concern. "Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it."

She didn't appreciate my degradation of her truck, "My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." She began to walk away from me again, as if she felt the conversation was over. I wasn't ready to give up, not as long her stubbornness was the issue, not that she did not want to go with me.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I walked beside her again, keeping up easily. I thought perhaps my insistence would get me to my desired destination.

"I don't see how that is any of your business." She retorted, exasperated.

Why was I being so antagonistic? I could have easily given her a good answer, compel her to say yes with only a look and a soft whisper, or I could, and should, just give up and walk away. But she brought out this side of me, she made me work for what I wanted and I liked it. "The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business," I replied teasingly.

She stopped as we reached to the cafeteria and looked up at me, her eyes searching mine again. She seemed to be tired of the game we had been playing. "Honestly Edward, I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend." I could only focus on the sound of my name coming from her mouth, just as I had the night before.

Recovering quickly, I clarified my statement, "I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be." I wanted to be everything; I wished I could tell her that.

"Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up." The sarcasm dripped from her tone.

How could I tell her we should not be friends because I could, and more than likely would, kill her? "It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend," I tried to explain without giving too much away. Knowing this would only confuse the situation more I decided that I should just tell her, "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella." I was being selfish; her safety, my family's…all sacrificed so that I could…what? I could take her to Seattle for the day? So I could stare into her eyes for a few more minutes? Kill her when the scent and my thirst became too much? Make her mine? "Will you go with me to Seattle?" I asked once more, this time making my voice concise and direct, hoping it was enough.

She seemed to be holding her breath, still gazing into my eyes, possibly trying to tell if I was being sincere. She nodded.

My heart swelled again and I could not help but smile. Then I remembered that I had promised myself, I would discourage her, "You really _should_ stay away from me." I was truly afraid that she would hear the gravity of my warning. I turned and walked towards my first class, saying goodbye until Biology.

I sighed as I sat down in Calculus, sure that I would not make it until I was near her again but in the same breath I did not look forward to the temptation. How would this ever work? The class went by as always, slow. Today was different though. My mind was unfocused and I found myself drifting. I followed along easily enough in case the instructor was dim enough to challenge my astuteness, though most did not bother.

I found myself thinking about her, not such an uncommon occurrence I realize now, especially since my siblings had pointed it out so elegantly this morning. The depression was the reality. I could not do this, it was wrong. My mind was in on the joke, it was the only explanation. It was letting me think that having any sort of relationship with this human was a possibility. It was allowing me to visualize a future where Bella could be with me and still breathing. I was strong, but not even Carlisle could be strong enough to resist the strength the pull her blood had on me. The pain in my chest was back.

But was there an answer? Alice's vision came to mind but I quickly pushed it away. It was jumbled and vague to say the least. Barely glimpses of something that could happen. And the last flash, I cringed physically as I thought of it, was out of the question. I would not be responsible for something as atrocious as taking her soul, no matter my feelings for her.

My next two classes crept by, the only thing breaking the monotony was a thought from across the room. _Angela is pretty, a little shy, but so is Bella…and if Bella can't go with me. And she will say yes next time…Prom…_Yorkie was hoping. I was smug. So highly sought after and I had her for that particular day, she was all mine. I had never wanted something that these children also wanted, much less _someone_. They had never met a rival like me. They would not win.

It was remarkably simple for me to think like this, like I was merely another boy vying for Bella Swans attention, affection. But then reality would always creep back and I could see the folly in my actions. I was a monster, not a boy or a man, and I had no right to her. She had been correct; I did have multiple personalities, the façade that I wore to blend in and the monster that lurked under the surface, always fighting to break free.

As if a reminder of this fact, while walking towards the gym, I caught a scent. Blood. It was faint, but fresh. I looked around, trying to find the source to satisfy my curiosity. It seemed to be coming from the Biology lab. I listened as the students filed out. _I can't believe I had to poke myself three times before I could even get a drop out. Still hurts. _A girl was holding her finger to her mouth as she walked past me. I looked into the class room and caught sight of Mr. Banner. It would seem that today he had planned to have his classes to find their blood type. I hoped that Jasper would not come down that way. The smell of the fresh blood, even of the small drops being used, were enough to tempt the strongest of us and Jasper did not find himself among them. That could be disastrous.

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Thanks to all of my reviewers (and readers for that matter!) and my beta, _acireamos_, for helping to keep me on track...and reading all of my rambling emails...


	13. Unexpected

_**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this.**_

_**In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. **_

_sorry about the false alarms on the posting...here is chapter 13! Let me know what you think..._

So ninety percent of this is directly from the book (and nope, still don't own it)…I tried to add some good Edward commentary …hope it worked…

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**Unexpected**

Gym could be a more tolerable class for me. Athletic activity comes easy for us, but to try to remain unnoticed we had to suppress our talents in front of the humans. We were playing basketball at the moment. My fellow classmates were eager to have me on their team because while I worked hard to seem normal, my acute reflexes and speed could not be ignored. As the game started, my teammates throwing me the ball each possession without hesitation, I let my mind wander.

I thought about her. I thought about seeing her in Biology, being near her again, only one class and lunch before I would be sitting next to her for an entire hour, I would get to look into her impossibly deep eyes and smell the enticing scent that would someday drive me over the edge. Biology; once my least favorite hour of the day, because after several stints in medical school, high school biology was rather boring and predictable, was now something I looked forward to. I realized now that I had been looking forward to it on most days for almost the same reason, even when I was trying to stay away from her.

Biology! I suddenly realized how stupid I was being. I couldn't go to biology today. Blood typing. Why had this not crossed my mind before? I was very distracted. Not only did I not have blood nor could I possibly puncture my finger to draw it if I did, but while I would be able to resist the smell of the other small amounts of blood, I would not be able to resist hers. I could not imagine what would happen if I sat next to her as she drew her own blood, though the thought of watching that, being that close was very alluring. The monster would win that fight, there was not enough will in the world to stop it.

My morale was low now; I almost allowed a passed ball by. Why did this matter so much? Why did I feel I needed to see her? I scolded myself again for the childish way I was acting. She would be no different tomorrow, I could wait. It would be better, maybe I could convince myself to leave her, to ignore her, to stop being narcissistic and think about her safety if I stayed away from her for a while. It was worth a try, for both of us, for _all_ of us.

I knew this wouldn't work, I was too weak. I wanted to be near her, to talk to her, to understand her, to find out if she felt anything for me like I did her, or if the way I felt was just a curiosity. If I were strong I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now, I knew that. But how?

Lunch.

My siblings wouldn't like it, I would put on a display for the entire school if I were to act on my desires and ask her to sit with me at lunch. Walking with her before class, minimal eyes would notice us; joining her on a trip to Seattle with only the two of us, no one would have to know; but sitting in a crowded lunch room, right across from her, acting normal, this would bring scrutiny. And then if anything were to happen to her – when something happened to her – it would be remembered and could hurt my family.

Being as selfish as I had been for the past twenty four hours I knew it wouldn't matter. Not anymore. I was in too deep. I had let it go far enough and as long as I was putting us in danger, I might as well make it count.

Lunch period finally arriving, I made my way to the small cafeteria hastily. I looked over at my normal table, the four of them already in their places, unnecessary food in place. I walked towards the other end of the room, all of them staring at me in disbelief. _What are you doing? You wouldn't…_Rosalie's thoughts were angry as she stared daggers at me. She wasn't the only one, the others, save Alice of course, were just as incredulous realizing what I was planning. _Stupid Edward, Rosalie's going to kill you, come over and sit in your seat like a good boy…_Emmett was afraid of his wife's rage.

I sat, looking towards the door, paying no mind to their grumblings. I could smell her before I even saw her, a gust of air blowing the enthralling scent through the door as she entered. I saw her eyes flicker toward my family. Was she looking for me? I willed her to look over but she did not. I watched her patiently as she walked with the ever blathering Jessica through the line.

_Is Edward looking at me? No, he is looking at her…_ Jessica noticed me as they came out and paid for their lunches. I heard her tell Bella I was staring at her, bringing her attention to me. I was staring; looking directly into her eyes as she looked up at me, she looked relieved. Could that be what I saw? I beckon her to me with a gesture and a wink. Her eyes widen, the brown pools becoming deeper if possible.

_I can't believe this, he wants her…_Jessica and Rosalie would get along well. "Does he mean you?" I heard her ask, incredulously, for once her tone matched her thoughts. Annoying girl. Bella only mumbled something about Biology and made her way towards the table where I sat.

She didn't sit, just stood behind the chair, waiting for me to explain why I had asked her over. The allure of her blood was overwhelming, but I continued to take it in, let it burn the back of my throat, as if a punishment for this misstep. "Why don't you sit with me today?" I tried to maintain a comforting smile, hoping it was enough to get her to stay. She said nothing, but sat down as if forced. I waited for her to speak.

"This is different," she said after a short time, her voice timid and curious.

"Well…" I started, wanting to explain myself, to try to make her understand how wrong this all really was, "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." There was no better way to explain it.

I could almost see her mind puzzling over my response. Finally realizing I would offer nothing further, she replied, "You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

"I know," I said. I am not sure why I found it so entertaining to annoy her.

_Why is Cullen all of a sudden paying attention to her after all of this time? _Newton's thoughts were distraught. _Suddenly Edward Cullen wants her to sit with him and we aren't good enough anymore, she just comes in and messes everything up…_the Lauren girl; I wondered what her issue with Bella was. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you away," I told her after hearing all of their resentment being tossed her way and mine.

"They'll survive," she shot back. I could tell she felt their stares; she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

She was a marvelous creature. I watched her closely. I saw no fear in her eyes as she looked at me, but there was something; I wanted even more to understand her. "I may not give you back, though." I told her. There was more truth to that statement that I had meant it to have, she must have heard it in my voice because I heard her gulp, blinking her eyes. "You look worried," I couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on her face, though I still could not read it clearly.

"No, surprised actually…what brought all this on?" her voice betraying her.

"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." Giving up. But not giving in. The longing for her blood was intense, but I would not let the evil win, I smiled at my self-control.

"Giving up?" her tone still confused. I wished I could see what she was thinking, I wondered if my vague statements would drive her away, I wished to tell her everything, bare my – figurative – soul to her.

"Yes – giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want and let the chips fall where they may." I just hoped they wouldn't end in her death, with the taste of her blood placating my thirst, my desire.

"You lost me again,"

Why was I telling her these things? I couldn't help some of the things that came out of my mouth in her presence. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you – that's one of the problems." I told her, being too forward with my thoughts once again. Was it because I could not hear her thoughts that I felt the need to say everything I was thinking out loud?

"Don't worry – I don't understand any of it." I winced at this slightly, thinking of how much I hated when Alice was cryptic and I had the advantage of seeing her mind.

But I knew I had no choice in this situation. "I'm counting on that." If she ever did understand, she would leave, run, flee…I wouldn't blame her. I knew I should make her.

I watched her as she puzzled over all that I had said and some of what I had not. "So, in plain English, are we friends now?" I thought she sounded almost hopeful.

"Friends…" as much as a cat can be friends with a mouse.

"Or not." Was she disappointed? Possibly I only hoped that it was disappointment in heard. Being able to hear her thoughts would make this much easier.

Despite myself I told her we could try, but reminded myself and her that I was not someone she should befriend.

"You say that a lot." She observed, still no hint of her heeding my warnings.

More than a small part of me was relieved. But I knew I would keep trying, regardless of what my heart or the monster wanted, "Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me." If she had any sense of self preservation…

This made her angry, "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." Remembering my early comment on her absurd notions, I smile repentantly at her, willing her to forgive my rudeness once again. To my relief she continued. "So as long as I'm being…not smart, we'll try to be friends?" Her expression told me she wanted some closure to this discussion, I was happy to oblige.

"That sounds about right." As soon as she wised up and realized how dangerous I really was it would be over, or as soon as I gained enough strength to walk away. I already knew, spending time with her like this, I would have a difficult time doing that.

She still sat across from me, a perplexed look in her eyes as she seemed to be drifting from the room into her own head. I stared at her, hoping that talking to her would open her mind to me, getting to know her. "What are you thinking?" I finally just had to ask, the quiet becoming too much to handle while her eyes said so much that I could not understand.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are," she divulged quietly while searching my eyes.

_Edward, you are being stupid, tell her to go away, she suspects something…_Rosalie needed to mind her own business, I ignored her but tensed at Bella's choice of words though attempting to remain calm I asked, "Are you having any luck with that."

"Not too much," chagrin in her voice. I knew she had to have some thoughts on the matter, she saw what I had done to save her that day. She had seen the monster on the first day. She saw something in my eyes.

"What are your theories?" I laughed almost nervously at the idea of knowing what she thought of me. I wanted to know, but I was afraid as well. What if she knew, or was close?

A delicious shade of red colored her cheeks as she looked at me, not willing to answer my question. Venom pooled in my mouth, the scent was crushing, I thought the monster would win this battle. But no, I was stronger than _it, _"Won't you tell me?" I pressed, smiling in a way I hoped would entice her to answer.

She denied my plea, her eyes moving down to the table. "Too embarrassing."

Ah, she isn't going to just test my inner strength but my sanity as well. She was the only person I had ever found that I could not hear and I have never wanted to hear someone more than I did her, the fates were cruel. "That's really frustrating, you know."

Her reply was jarring, unexpected to say the least. "No, I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all – just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean…now why would that be frustrating? Or better, say that person did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."

I shrunk back a bit. I knew I had annoyed her, but I had no idea…yet in spite of all of this she still sat in front of me. I hadn't expected it, though I knew I deserved it. Maybe this would be enough, she would walk away now. She said her piece. Her dream, saying my name with such desire, meant nothing. The sound of her voice from the night before flooded my senses; I had wanted it to be true so badly. But now she would get up and go to her friends, leaving me here, still unable to understand the attraction I had for her, or why I knew she belonged to me…it felt as if the world was crashing down on me. I tried to remain calm, "You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"

"I don't like double standards." I knew she was right. I could only stare at her and wait for her retreat.

_Bella and Cullen are arguing, _I could feel the relief in the boy's thoughts, _maybe I should go over there; bring her back to our table. She would be grateful if he is being a jerk…but if not, it may make her mad at me…or he may get mad, those brothers of his are a little bit scary…_I looked over to the table the voice came from, Newton – I snorted at his dilemma.

"What?" the anger from before still very present in her voice. But she was still here.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you – he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight." _Come on Mike, go save her from him…_I snickered at his internal battle again. I chastised myself for teasing her. Some part of me knew what it was doing; driving her away was the right thing.

Her eyes narrowed again. "I don't know who you're talking about," she sneered at me, "But I'm sure you're wrong, anyway."

"I'm not. I told you most people are easy to read." I said matter-of-factly, the joy that she was still speaking to me radiated in my voice. Once again, I said too much, it was out of control.

"Except me, of course."

"Yes. Except for you." Oh, if only I could hear her. None of this struggle – pain – would be necessary. "I wonder why that is?" I asked aloud.

As I sit looking at her, still trying to break into her mind I noticed that despite her going through the lunch line she had nothing but a drink in her hand, "Aren't you hungry?" I asked her, thankfully able to change the subject.

"No." she said. "You?"

"No, I'm not hungry." I couldn't suppress a small chortle as I thought we would both be in trouble if I were.

She looked as if she had something she wanted to say, but seemed to hesitate. I stayed silent while she decided. "Can you do me a favor?" she finally asked.

Oh, this could be bad. I didn't want her to be angry with me if I had to refuse her. "That depends on what you want."

"It's not much," she started, making it feel like it may be, "I just wondered…if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."

Again, something I didn't expect. I don't know why she would want the company of someone like me but I didn't want to question it anymore today, not now. "That sounds fair." I tried to suppress my delight. Of course, still not entirely sure I could keep that promise, but I would try, even if I decided it was too much, surely I could tell her…couldn't I? I heard her thank me for agreeing to her request.

My mind was reeling; I believed that we were still going to try to be friends. I thought back on our conversation and still wanted an answer to something from earlier, "then can I have one answer in return?"

"One," she seemed to relax after I had made the promise.

"Tell me one theory." I pressed again.

She was taken off guard by my request, the blood pooling in her face again, "not that one."

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer." I smiled at her, sensing from our previous discussions that promises were important to her.

"And you've broken some promises yourself," she reminded me.

"Just one theory- I promise I won't laugh." I almost begged.

She was unmoving, "yes you will."

I wanted to know. I knew how to get her to answer. I wasn't sure if it would work on her, not really. I had not wanted to use my _charms_ on her, but for this, it seemed harmless. And besides, I should know, in case she is close, it is my duty to my family. I would use that as an excuse anyway. In truth, I wanted to see her mind so desperately; just this one small glimpse would make my day. I put on my most pleasant smile and looked at her, letting my eyes search hers. "Please?" I beseeched again.

"Er, what?" I think it worked.

I did not release her eyes, "Please tell me just one little theory."

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" she asked.

Okay, maybe I wouldn't be able to keep myself from laughing. "That's not very creative."

"Sorry, that's all I've got." She shrugged, still embarrassed by her admission.

I shook my head at her in mock disappointment. "You're not even close."

"No spiders?"

"Nope"

"And no radioactivity?"

"None."

"Dang," She was very beautiful when she teased. I shook off the thought, remembering that I was not supposed to be encouraging these thought in either of us.

I still had to chuckle, her comic book theories were a safe distance from the truth. "Kryptonite doesn't bother me either."

She reminded me that I promised not to laugh, but then added, "I'll figure it out eventually."

Why? She was a stubborn one. "I wish you wouldn't try," I told her seriously.

"Because…?"

How could I explain? Tell her once again she should run from me? "What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" I am the bad guy, everyone else can see it, but doesn't she. What is wrong with her?

"Oh. I see," she seemed to be getting a grasp of what I had tried to tell her each time we spoke.

"Do you?" Did she finally understand? Get up and run, my mind was willing her. My still heart could not muster the same conviction, my face had to register the panic I felt that she would at last understand my warnings.

"You're dangerous?" She finally understood. It was painful knowing that she would be gone from my life in the matter of seconds as she realized how right she was, but the part of me that knew it was for her own good felt triumph. I felt like two halves of a person, neither able to agree on an emotion.

I could see something in her eyes, resolve maybe? She whispered now, almost as if convincing herself of the truth of her next statement. "But not bad." She shook her head again, the whisper more concrete, "No, I don't believe you're bad."

Relief coursed through my veins as I realized she was still sitting here with me, that she hadn't run screaming. But the other half, the rational half, the part of me that wanted everyone to be safe was angry, disturbed at the change in events, that part of me took control, though I stifled it as best I could, "You're wrong," I said, almost low enough that I thought she might not hear. I was selfish, but I wanted her.

She said nothing else. Her eyes were on me as I sat and spun the lid to her drink that I had picked up at some point, not wanting to meet her eyes. I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't decide if I was upset that I had not scared her off or that I almost had. The temptation of her blood seemed irrelevant at the moment; though I knew it was the most important part of the puzzle. As if fate was teasing me, lunch had ended and she suddenly stood up.

"We're gong to be late." We…why was this so hard?

"I'm not going to class today," I told her. Another cruel twist of fate.

"Why not?" She sounded as if she was saddened by my absence and I tried not to be elated by the emotion.

I looked up at her, standing there, her deep eyes looking into mine, her quiet mind taunting me. I forced a smile. "It's healthy to ditch class every now and then." In this case, it was healthy for her…

"Well, I'm going." She still seemed hesitant, the part of me that still wanted – needed – her, wanted to ask her to stay with me…but the reasonable half won.

I looked back at the table as I told her goodbye and she was gone.

What had I been thinking? Reality had not hit me until she finally understood the danger I posed and then dismissed it almost as fast. I was ruining things – for all of us. We lived among the humans, but it was a hard and fast rule to interact as little as possible, both for our safety and theirs. But here I was, chasing a young girl, trying to make her mine. Every part of my body knew how wrong it was; my head chastised my foolish heart. But nothing had changed, not yet. The internal battle I was having was not over, my heart would not surrender. I was still planning that trip to Seattle with her. Both pieces of me hoped that would be the turning point, where I could make that final commitment. Which side would win? Would I chose to be selfish and put her in danger or would I save us all and walk away? Somehow I knew it may not be in my control, but I refused to see it, I was always in control, this would be no different. I just had to be strong. For my family. For myself. For her.

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As always, a big thanks to _acireamos..._and to all of my reader and reviews, you're all awesome...keep letting me know what you think... :)


	14. More Time

**_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this._**

**_In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in (which is most of this chapter), it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. _**

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**More Time**

I planned to attend Spanish class, so I made my way to my car, thinking I could recover from this harrowing lunch period. I knew I would need to be ready for the fight that was sure to come after Rosalie got a hold of me so I began to mentally prepare. I put on some classical music, one of my favorites, listening closely to the melody I knew so well, letting it calm me. It occurred to me that another melody had been in my head since the last evening, I knew it was something new, and I knew exactly what was inspiring it. I would have to think on it more later, now I just wanted to relax.

_Oh god, Bella! Should I try to carry her…_Bella? I had left her only minutes ago. What could have happened? Did something go wrong in Biology? Had Newton done something to hurt her? If he had, it would be the last thing he did. I was moving quickly to his voice, if only I could hear her thoughts I would know she was okay. Why did I have to leave her? What could have happened that Mike would need to carry her? My mind was racing for the seconds it took me to find them, Bella with her head against the sidewalk and a worried Mike Newton pacing in front of her. I stopped at the far end of the building and then I smelled it. Fresh blood. I readied myself to flee but realized before I could that it was not her blood. The thirst was controllable, it couldn't be hers, the blood in her veins taunted me while it flowed through her body, this exposed blood was of no consequence to me in the small amount that I could detect. I was confident it was not hers.

"Bella?" I called, still at the edge of the building. There was no response. What could have happened? Was she hurt? I would have to keep a close eye on her from here on out. "What's wrong – is she hurt?" I asked the boy when I had made the long walk to them at a normal pace. _What is he doing here? I can take care of this Cullen, go away! _As if I would leave her! Stupid wretched child.

He still did not know how he was going totake care of her and now he was angry that I was butting in. It didn't matter to me what he felt, I wanted to be sure she was okay. "I think she fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger," he said, still trying to decide what he needed to do.

Getting close to her now, relieved she was okay and that my senses were correct and she was not bleeding, "Bella, can you hear me?" She did not look well, she had less color than normal, the pink blush that I had enjoyed was no where in sight. She could have been one of us.

I heard her heartbeat quicken as I spoke. She was embarrassed; I could hear it in her voice when she answered, "No. Go Away." I couldn't help but laugh. She had fainted at the site of blood. How poetic.

_I have to take care of this before he does…_Mike's thoughts were frantic. He was jealous. I knew how he felt. But it didn't make any difference really; she was still mine even if I couldn't have her. He explained that he was taking her to the nurse when she stopped and would not go. "I'll take her," I said, knowing he would never be able to force her. I, on the other hand, wouldn't give her a choice. "You can go back to class," I told him smugly.

The hatred for me in his thoughts was amusing. "No, I'm supposed to do it," he pressed.

I scooped the beautiful creature into my arms. She protested but I had already begun making my way towards the nurse's office, Newton making a small effort to stop me. I looked at her closely as we walked, unable to wipe the amusement of the situation from my face. She was so pale, "You look awful."

I was holding her. It was too easy. It would be too easy to just carry her away, and then there would be no more temptation. Her scent was infiltrating my other senses, I had to focus. I was careful to hold her away from my body. I felt her warmth in my arms, I wanted to pull her closer, but too much contact would only make matters worse.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she whimpered. I paid her no mind. Not only because I was going to force her to go to the nurse's office, where I was sure she would not go on her own, but also I was enjoying this.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" the sheer hilarity of it all was becoming too much to handle. "And not even your own blood?" I mused. I wouldn't be able to handle the sight – smell – of _her _blood either, but there would much bigger consequences than a little fainting…

Ugh. What am I doing? I am a monster that thinks of little more than blood and she is a mortal who cannot even stand the sight of blood, yet even now, I feel like she belongs to me. I need her. The foolishness of it all! I knew the rational being I once was, not too long ago, before her, was still alive somewhere. I could feel it fighting to get through more and more, but something else – desire, and one not _only _for her blood – was eclipsing its every effort. What is wrong with me?

"Oh my!" Ms. Cope watched in awe as I brought Bella through the door. _Lucky girl, _she thought before even registering something might be wrong. She was immediately ashamed at her thought and truly concerned about the state the student was in.

I hurried to explain, "She fainted in Biology." I swept past the receptionist who was opening the Nurse's door. _He holds her so gently and effortlessly, like the cover from a romance novel. Get a grip. He's a student!_

The nurse was just as surprised by our entrance as Ms. Cope, but her thoughts were only on Bella's state. "She's just a little faint, they're blood typing in Biology," I wanted to ease the small nurse's mind as I placed Bella onto the bed. I moved across the room in order to remove myself from her always intoxicating smell. I knew it was something I could handle for the moment but I didn't see why I should keep her in constant danger when not necessary. When was it ever necessary? Why couldn't I just walk away? I could leave right now. At least leave her here with the nurse…or not.

_I told him he should not do that anymore. Every semester! I should talk to the principal. _"There's always one." She said after her internal tirade.

I tried to stifle the chuckle that came in response to her statement. I knew I had done it again. I had purposely brought her here _because _she protested. Why did I feel the need to torment her? I was not a grade school boy who teases someone because he likes her, that is not who I am…well, it is not who I was. She brought something out in me. More that I would have to reflect on at a later time. So many things to think about that all revolved around her. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass," the nurse looked at her with pity in her eyes.

Bella sighed, "I know," as she laid her head back on the small cot closing her eyes.

She heard something in the reply and chuckled to herself, "Does this happen a lot?"

"Sometimes," she admitted. _Poor thing. So sensitive._ I had to force a cough to hide my laughter.

This reminded the nurse that I was in the room, "you can go back to class now." …_very handsome young man and so considerate._

"I'm supposed to stay with her," I told her. _Very sweet, he wants to make sure his girlfriend is okay, I guess it doesn't hurt anything. _My girlfriend…how very wrong she was. But, of course, part of me liked the thought.

When the nurse left the room to retrieve an ice pack for her, Bella whispered, still sounding weak, "You were right."

This surprised me, had the stubborn girl just admitted that something I had said was right? I had to know which piece of information I had given her that was relevant to this moment, what she was conceding to. "I usually am – but about what in particular this time?"

She seemed to be working to breathe normally, "Ditching is healthy."

I wished in that moment I had persuaded her to stay with me after lunch. I wish I had been able to prevent this, but how could I have foreseen it? I suppose Alice may have been able to tell me, but why would I have asked? But she was fine, so why am I still worried about it? No real lasting harm came to her.

I thought back to minutes before, sitting in my car, my mind completely enveloped by thoughts of her and the panic that I felt when I had heard the boys mind. The sheer terror that struck me the moment I thought something had run afoul. When had I ever been so prone to panic, to worry? I was in control of these things, nothing shook me, I was not a boy, I was a century old immortal and had left those types of reactions behind. But now, a silly human had begun to awaken something in me, made me act human…and as much as I didn't like it, I couldn't deny it anymore. I divulged my weakness to her aloud, the shame almost saturated my voice, "You scared me for a minute there, I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury in the woods."

"Ha ha," she thought I was kidding.

I shook my head. I wished I were; it would make more sense. "Honestly – I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned I might have to avenge your murder." She is fine. I kept repeating it in my head, rational or not. I cared.

"Poor Mike. I bet he's mad," was her only response.

I chuckled as I thought about the tirade about me swooping in like _Batman_ to save the day, ruining everything. The curses he was throwing at me, "He absolutely loathes me."

"You can't know that," she argued.

Damn, always talking out loud when I shouldn't with her. But if she had seen the anger in his eyes she would know the truth too, it wasn't like he hid it. "I saw it in his face – I could tell." Not a lie.

She questioned me about finding them. "I was in my car, listening to a CD," _and thinking about you_. It was enough of an explanation, never mind I could not see them from the lot, only hear him.

She seemed to be feeling better as the nurse placed the ice pack on her forehead. Ms. Cope came into the room suddenly, announcing the arrival of another patient. Bella moved from the cot quickly beside me to make room for the incoming student and then I smelled it again, the small amount of fresh blood. Nothing about it appealed to me, I just knew I needed to get Bella out of the room quickly; I did not want her to faint again so soon. "Oh no, go out to the office," I whispered quickly. She looked at me in confusion, "Trust me – go." And to my surprise, she went.

"You actually listened to me," I couldn't keep the astonishment from my voice.

She wrinkled her nose, as if she could smell something bad, "I smelled the blood."

Smelled? "People can't smell blood." Vampires, yes; People, no, this much I knew.

"Well, I can – that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt," her face told me that she was thinking about it, her cheeks flushed. She had never clarified that it was the sight of blood. It was the smell? She could smell blood. But for her, it was disgust and revulsion that she received from it, not thirst and hunger. The irony of it all was becoming more and more bizarre. How was it that a girl with such odd traits would become the object of, someone like me, a blood lusting monster's desire? Fate really had it in for her.

"What?" she asked me when I said nothing more.

I shook myself out of my head and dismissed it. "Nothing."

Newton came into the room then, apparently delivering the latest victim from blood typing. He shot me a glare that would put fear into anyone else. "_You_ look better," he told her in a reproving voice. _So now she is just hanging out with him in the office? Stupid Cullen. I hate him! I could have taken care of her, always freaking jumping in to be the hero. Dammit! I liked her first._ I wished I could just let him have her, let him _like_ her, but she was mine and I couldn't let it happen. She deserved more than him. She deserved more than me too I knew. This irritating, stubborn, selfless…beautiful girl.

"So are you going this weekend?" I heard him ask. I began listening to their conversation again; my interest peaked about their plans. Were they going on a date? How had I missed that, I didn't think she was interested in him. "To the beach?" he finished. Oh yes, I remembered something in many of our classmates thoughts about the beach. I remembered the anger that had flared when Newton had thought about Bella and him at the beach not too long ago. I was still trying to ignore her, but I remembered the hatred had bubbled up even then when he pictured kissing her while they sat on some beach. But I also knew that it wasn't just the two of them, it was a group activity.

"We're meeting at my dad's store at then." _Don't even think about it Cullen._ I smirked at his nonverbal threat that he had tried to convey with a glare.

"I'll be there," her tone was not happy, I wondered if he could tell.

_At least I will have a chance there, as long as he isn't there…he better not show up._ "I'll see you in gym, then," he was leaving the office, still hopeful she would call him back and want to talk to him.

"See you," she said as he walked out of the small building. He was disappointed that she was not going to bound after him when she saw how hurt he was. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost.

"Gym," she murmured unhappily.

Now she didn't want to go to class! "I can take care of that." And I can get some more time with her. I scolded myself for the thrill these silly ideas brought me. Being the last person to be seen with her, I just continued to make things dangerous for us. "Go sit down and look pale." She once again listened to my instruction, she must really hate gym.

"Ms. Cope?" I brought her attention to me. _Too young, too young_, she chanted in her mind.

"Yes?"

I explained to her that Bella had gym next hour and I did not believe that she was up to it, so I was offering to take her home, I used my most alluring voice, it was easy, like luring prey to slaughter. "Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" I laughed to myself, she was very easy, good thing that all I wanted was permission. _Beautiful and thoughtful, lucky girl to get his attention..._All of these people were very mistaken. Bella was a very unfortunate girl to have my attention. I told her that I was fine without an excuse. She flipped through some paperwork, making notes and then leaned around and spoke to Bella, who was sitting in the small orange chair looking like she might slip out of consciousness any moment. "Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better Bella." _How could she not…_

With that I turned to Bella with a smile on my face, "Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I teased.

Her voice was cold, teasing her was enjoyable, "I'll walk."

I am sure the amusement was written on my face because she scowled at me as we walked out into the rain. "Thanks, it was almost worth getting sick to miss Gym," she said a small smile on her face. I believed that was the first real thank you I had received from her, I knew that was partially my fault, but still it was nice.

I stood outside the office with her, the rain steadily falling on us, the moisture making her scent intensify slightly. I stared straight ahead, trying to fight the need for her blood building in my system. It seemed odd that it was so strong here in the open, but I had been preoccupied before, it was just her and I now and _it _knew it. "Anytime."

We were walking toward the parking lot now; I was still focusing ahead, trying to squash the craving. "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" she asked with what sounded like hope in her voice. Me, with the other students, a group outing? Was she kidding? She had to see how the others reacted to me and my family. I knew she was very observant; she had to have seen we were not exactly included in the _high school_ crowd. It had to be hope.

"Where are all you going, exactly?" I had a feeling I knew, but wanted to be sure.

"Down to La Push, to First Beach," that sealed the deal, I definitely could not go.

La Push was off limits; the ridiculous treaty. "I really don't think I was invited," I said, giving her a small smile of regret. I did regret that I could not go, to think of the trouble she could get into at a beach by herself.

"I just invited you," she said slightly exasperated. She was asking me to go with her. This made my heart jump. But alas, I knew I could not go, not even if she begged, I doubt Carlisle would approve of me starting a war with the Quileutes over a trip to a beach.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap," this actually could be marked up as another reason to go with them on Saturday, but I knew better. It was just very entertaining for me to hear the threats in his mind that he would never dare to speak, the jealousy was quite funny from this side, especially when I knew that it made no difference, she was with me. No, I would not think that, I still had to convince her to not be with me, she was not mine, no matter what I wanted. I would keep trying to convince myself of that. Trying.

"Mike-schmike," she said. She made this conviction I was trying to build very difficult when she gave hints of wanting me in the same way I wanted her. But I would continue to remind myself of the other part of me, the monster; it wanted her too and it wouldn't be pleasant when it finally gets its way if I kept this up.

As we made it to the parking lot she began to leave my side, I assumed heading toward her truck. I grabbed her jacket and pulled her back to me. "Where do you think you are going?" Did she seriously think after her _incident_ I was letting her drive herself? I may have been amused by the whole thing, but it didn't change the fact she had just fainted. And with her track record…she would never make it.

"I'm going home," she sounded genuinely confused by my anger.

This stubborn girl was dangerously close to being the most infuriating person I had every met – yet still the most interesting, I had to admit. She wasn't stupid, I knew she wasn't, but I was beginning to think she may be very dense. "Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I used the word promise for her benefit. I began dragging her towards my car, not bothering to be gentle.

"What condition? And what about my truck?" she argued.

Always arguing, I knew it was too good to be true that she would continue to be agreeable. I had liked it when she listened to me in the office those few times. Besides, was she so eager to leave me so soon? I knew I wasn't.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school," I told her. Alice would be thrilled about having to drive Bella's truck, I chuckled to myself.

"Let go!" she complained as I towed her to my car. I stopped in front of the passenger's side door and contemplated opening it and physically placing her inside the vehicle but instead I just let her go and she fell into the door. "You are so pushy!" she muttered.

"It's open." I told her as I made my way around the car. She continued to protest not opening the door. I rolled the window down, leaning over, "Get in, Bella," I demanded. "I'll just drag you back," I told her when she hesitated, looking like she may try to make a dash for it. _It might be fun to catch her,_ my mind mused, though whether it was the depraved monster or the adolescent boy I could not tell.

She gave in and got in the car, still moaning about it being unnecessary for me to take her home. She was angry. I didn't care. It was still amusing and in reality, I was worried about her. I was determined to protect her, if only from herself this time.

She was very wet from the rain due to her stubborn display outside the car and her scent hit me like an oncoming truck. She was so close, in my car, me and her, all alone. I turned the heater up for her, both so she would not catch a chill and hoping the dry warm air would dull the fragrance.

"Clair de Lune?" she asked, shock clear in her voice.

She was referring to the music that had resumed when I started the car. She listened to classical music? "You know Debussy?" There was so much to know about her, everything new I found out only made me want to know her more. Not even my siblings knew this music, yet they had lived in times when they were much more likely to have heard it.

"Not well, my mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too." What were the chances? Here she was, a human girl who I shared interests with and who I wanted desperately. Could it be more than blood? She made me laugh, she made me smile, she made me _feel_. I didn't understand why this small similarity, the liking of a single piece of music, between us meant so much to me. I stopped myself again, for what seemed like the hundredth time today. She also made me thirsty, she made me crazy, she was human and it was all very wrong.

I needed to know more about her and her life.

"What is your mother like?" I asked her. She seemed to be close to her, when she spoke of her it was with happiness and love, maybe I could understand her better if I could understand something that makes her happy. I knew she was not happy here, in Forks. I was watching for her reaction to the question, wondering if she would be reticent with her answer.

She looked at me as if trying to understand the context of my question. I only wanted an answer, anything to understand her…

"She looks a lot like me, but she is prettier," she began. I highly doubted it; I had never seen someone so beautiful as this girl sitting next to me, though I now knew she had no idea. As if explaining why she wasn't as good of a person as her mother she continued, "I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend."

With every word she said I heard only reverence in her voice. Teenagers didn't speak about their mothers like this. This was the description an adult gives about a parent once they understand them or walk in their shoes, not of a high school student. What was it about this girl? Everything about her screamed perfect; she was mature, beautiful, and selfless. "How old are you, Bella?" I knew the answer, but needed her to say it; I just couldn't believe that someone like her was so young.

"I'm seventeen."

How could she only be seventeen? I was almost one hundred years her senior but sometimes not even I was as mature as she seemed to be. "You don't seem seventeen," I told her; still trying to make myself accept it. She began to laugh at something. "What?" I ask, wondering what could be so amusing.

She was still smiling at her thoughts. "My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." She seemed resigned as she added, "Well, someone has to be the adult." I wasn't sure if I should feel mournful of her lost youth or happy about it. Without the circumstances that made her who she was she would not be here, now, with me. "You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself," she said bringing me from my thoughts.

She had no idea.

"So why did your mother marry Phil?" I asked, changing the subject. I was still trying to understand the relationship between Bella and her mother. It sounded like she was everything to Bella, but yet her mother has chosen someone over her. I couldn't imagine something being better than this girl. Having her consumed my every thought. Mine and the monster's, I reminded myself.

She did not answer right away. It was frustrating, with anyone else I would know their honest answer immediately, but with her, I always had to wonder what she was not saying. After a short time she answered, "My mother...she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." There was an understanding in the answer, no grudges were held, she had just accepted it. But I wondered aloud if she approved of the marriage. With out a thought she shrugged and answered, "Does it matter? I want her to be happy...and he is who she wants." She never wavered on her altruism; this was the same answer she had given me on that first day. She just wanted every one to be happy no matter what it meant had to happen to her and her happiness.

"That's very generous," to say the least, "I wonder..." I held my tongue. I wondered if her mom just wanted her happiness. I wondered if that is where she got it from. I wanted to know if she might approve of me...

"What?" she asked when I did not continue.

I had to answer her when she looked at me. I didn't want to keep anything from her, "Would she extend the same courtesy to you do you think? No matter who your choice was?" I searched her eyes, trying to find any hint of understanding what I was asking.

Her eyes met mine and she did not answer immediately. When she did answer she sounded off balance, "I think so, but she is the parent, after all. It's a little different."

The sound of her voice told me that she may have understood, it sounded like I had scared her. "No one too scary then," I said to lighten the tension.

It worked, she had a beautiful shy smile on her face, "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" She was mocking me.

"That's one definition, I suppose." How about a blood thirsty vampire?

The smile was still in place when she asked, "What's your definition?" This one I would not answer.

Instead I asked another question, something I needed to know. "Do you think _I_ could be scary?" Everyone else thought that we were strange and avoided us because their instincts told them we were scary, but Bella had not reacted this way. But surely there was something in her that screamed at the danger she placed herself in when I was with her.

"Hmm...I think you _could_ be if you wanted to," at least she saw that much or I had convinced her of that much perhaps.

"Are you frightened of me now?" It suddenly occurred to me that I had forced her into my car, into my presence, forced her to make herself vulnerable to me. This was something I had not wanted to do, I did not want her to be fearful.

"No," she said, a slight stammer in her voice. She was even too stubborn to admit when she was afraid. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face when I thought of how strong willed she was, it overpowered every other instinct in her, it could be dangerous, but now it was a rather interesting characteristic.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family? It's got to be much more interesting than mine," she was eager to change the subject.

This made me nervous, but it was only fair since I had asked her such intimate questions of her mother. Our story was complete, there were no holes. I answered her questions, leaving out how long ago my parents had passed and telling her how wonderful my _adopted_ parents were when she asked.

"You're very lucky," she told me after I had spoken of Carlisle and Esme.

"I know I am," I confirmed. They were more than I deserved and guilt swept over me. What was I doing to them now? Because of my selfishness I was putting them in danger. Bella sat with me, alone, the monster was fighting and while I was keeping it at bay, how much longer would the interest I had to know her keep the devil from taking over? And then the wonderful parents that had taken me into their home would be forced to protect me, I didn't want to be the one who messed our lives up in Forks.

"And your brother and sister?" she asked, jolting me from my lament. I had completely blocked them from my thoughts until she had said this and I glanced at the clock, realizing we had been sitting in the car for sometime now and my siblings would be waiting. I relayed my thoughts to her, reluctantly having to say goodbye.

She looked at me, again I thought I saw a small amount of disappointment in her eyes, "Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go."

I smiled at her, knowing exactly how she felt if it was disappointment I saw. "And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident," I knew she wouldn't like anyone to worry about her.

"I am sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks," she sounded resigned by this fact. I laughed at this, but knew she was right. And everyone would know about my part in the situation as well. I chided myself again for being so careless, what if I had not been able to control it?

I was hunting tomorrow, so I bid her a good weekend, "Have fun at the beach...good weather for sunbathing," I teased watching the pouring rain, though I knew the weather would be nice courtesy of my resident psychic.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?" I definitely heard hope in her voice that time.

Elated by this, I thought about canceling my plans but knew that wasn't an option, I needed to hunt. "No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?" she seemed to be stalling.

"We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier," I knew to anyone else that would sound odd, but I didn't figure her to know the area well enough to know that it would be a dangerous place for humans.

"Oh, well, have fun," the disappointment under her feigned happiness was once again thrilling. I tried to hide my smile but this day had went entirely too well.

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I asked, I was serious but knew my request would change her mood. I stared at her, hoping to make her understand my sincere concern, perhaps also trying to break into her mind unsuccessfully again. She nodded. "Don't be offended," I knew it was pointless to say it, but I should try. "but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So..." Ah, I figured she would be mad anyway, so I may as well tease her anyway. "try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I smiled at her now, not wanting to scare her with the intensity that I felt.

I was correct about the mood. Her eyes were fierce as she pushed the door open. "I'll see what I can do," she retorted as she slammed the door as hard as she could and began stomping her way towards the house. I still couldn't understand the joy I received when I tortured her, but I knew it was very sophomoric. I was acting like Emmett!

I was almost back to the school and I heard the voices of my siblings. They knew what had happened and they knew my part in it as well, and Rosalie was not happy. I waved her threats off, it had been a long day, I wanted some time with my thoughts before I had to deal with her.

I pulled up and parked, jumping from the car immediately. I walked over to Alice with a smile. _Oh no! I'll take them home and you do it. You are the one who insisted on taking her._

"But Alice, Emmett and I need to go; you can drop it off and run home," I pleaded. Emmett would be unpleasant enough without having to wait on me, no matter how short a time it would be. "I thought you were happy about _this._"

_I can be happy about you and Bella without having to drive that..._she nodded towards the heap of a truck.I laughed but gave her another beseeching smile. _You owe me!_ And she was off towards the truck, grumbling in her mind about being seen in it. I turned to see the other three glaring at me Rosalie becoming more hateful as she watched Alice get into Bella truck, confirming the rumors. Saying nothing, I walked back to the car and waited for them to join me.

_Alice is overjoyed you know? I still think you are being very irresponsible, _Jasper was next to me. I gave him a knowing look but he knew not to say anything aloud in our present company. _Your emotions are very confusing though, I am glad you will be out for a few days. _He gave me an apologetic smile but I understood.

I had a lot to think about, I knew it. Jasper was right, but I couldn't stop myself, not when it came to her. The longing to know her, the need to be near her was overpowering any logic I had. The thirst to taste her was a consideration as well, that never left my thoughts.

Three days without seeing her...this would be a long weekend.

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That was quite long...but I can only blame the time it took on there being so many great stories out there to read...who wants to write when I can read other people's stuff!


	15. Safe

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**_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer's fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this._**

**_In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in (which is most of this chapter), it is all Mrs. Meyer's genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character. _**

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Safe

Friday went by quietly as Emmett and I wandered along the mountains. He loved this area and the bears were abundant so he had lots to keep him occupied. But once he had enough fun for the day we found a clearing and sat.

Emmett, never one to mince words, gave an exasperated sigh. "What is it Emmett?" I knew it was unnecessary to ask because he would tell me soon enough.

"Are you going to snap out of this?" he asked. He had been grumbling about my _problem _since we left the house.

I had willingly let him drive us and even listened to the music he picked. I was being very accommodating. "Snap out of what?"

"Come on man, you stare into space like you have lost your mind. I get it; you like the girl, but the goo-goo eyes have to go, it's disturbing!" It was my turn to sigh.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I told him. "I am thinking is all."

He laughed now. "Please, I know what you look like when you _think,"_ _pout_, "this isn't that. You look like a love sick puppy." I only shook my head at him. "Edward, what's going on? We have established you _like_ her, fine. You also would have liked to have her for lunch," he chuckled again at his own joke, "but we both know you wouldn't do that – no, not perfect Edward."

I raised my eyebrow at him; did he really think that I didn't still want Bella's blood? "What?" He asked innocently, "you did get over the whole _best smell ever_ thing, right?"

"No, quite the contrary," I told him honestly. "Every time she is near me it is like that first day. That is part of the problem." I don't know why we were having this conversation. Maybe with Alice, possibly with Carlisle or Esme, but Emmett? "Never mind, it isn't important."

"Come on, if I have to hang around with you all weekend, give me a clue."

"Fine, I am worried…"

"About?"

I was going to regret this. "She is going to the beach tomorrow, and…well, she is slightly accident prone. What if something happens to her?"

He looked at me incredulously. "Seriously? This is what you have been thinking about? You are thinking she might get hurt? Edward, she would just as likely get hurt with you, well, much more likely when you finally lose control,"

I closed my eyes. At least he was thinking about it logically, something I have been unable to do. "I know. That is the other problem…" This was getting all too serious for Emmett.

"You're in deep brother," he was done with the conversation. "Let's go get us some dinner!" and he was gone.

The rest of Saturday when much the same. I wanted to be home – with her. I wanted to be sure she was safe. But I also knew I needed to hunt, that was important for her safety as well. If something were to happen, surely Alice would call, I reasoned. Emmett would get angry with me intermittently when I wasn't paying enough attention. I knew I was bothering him, but I just couldn't focus. Finally, early Sunday morning Emmett had enough and we were headed back.

"Ok, Edward," Emmett growled after a particularly long period of silence, "let's talk about this." I was really annoying him if he wanted to talk.

"Nothing to talk about," he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Dude, if there was nothing to talk about, then I sure as hell wouldn't be trying to talk to you. Talk to me about this human – Bella –," he said her name with a sneer. _I want to understand if I am going to have to deal with Rose._ Now I understood, he wanted to know what side to take, or how bad it was.

I owed him an explanation I suppose; I was putting us all in danger because I wanted her. "Fine Emmett, what do you want to know?"

He looked over at me surprised, "Okay, so if you still would like to snack on her, but you seem to want to keep her alive, why the heck aren't you avoiding her like the plague? I mean, you had her in your car for God's sake! Are you just torturing yourself? Is it some sort of sick game you are playing?"

"I honestly don't know, man," not really a lie. He didn't like this answer.

"Whatever, you asked me what I wanted to know, I want to know why?"

I shrugged, "don't know." I was not ready to admit my revelations about her, he would tell Rosalie and then she would put me through hell. I didn't need that, not until I was sure what I was doing.

He tried a different tactic. "You almost blew it for us that day in the parking lot, why did you feel you needed to be her freakin' hero? We have seen things like that happen, it wasn't anything new. You have never tried to save someone before. And you acted like you didn't want to be tempted by her anymore, so it would have been over if you had left it alone."

I flinched at the thought. "I just couldn't…" we were getting dangerously close to the truth. He looked at me expectantly. "Emmett, I couldn't watch her die. I had to try to save her, I…"

"Why?"

I closed my eyes, the words were not coming, I didn't know how to answer his question. "I just couldn't…" He was going to protest further but the cell phone rang.

"What?" he growled at the caller.

_Awesome, no school for two days! _Good weather. Sunshine. Great. When did not going to school become a negative thing? At least I would be able to know Bella was safe, I would be close enough to check on her.

As that thought passed through my head I realized we were very close to her house, if I left from here it was that much sooner I could be there and be sure she had made it back.. I looked over to Emmett who was in a much better mood with the new development; he was thrilled about two extra days of video games and whatnot.

"Hey, I am going to run from here, I need to clear my head," I told him. He looked at me suspiciously, but I did not give him time to answer.

It was almost afternoon now, the rain was steady, there was no worry about being noticed as I ran through the woods. I was close to her house when I caught the scent. My mind whirled, the venom pooled in my mouth; perfect, delicious, and strong. I had not been ready for it, not here in the mist of the trees. I stopped, crouching to attack; I needed it, the blood.

No! I would not let myself move. I held my breath, I would not do this. Slowly the urge to seek her out and satisfy my every craving subsided. I could control it. I knew I was fine, I could see her now. Be near her. I moved quickly, shaking off the intensity I had felt seconds before and saw her walking out of the forest off of a trail. My body relaxed. She was safely home.

But why had she been in the woods? And what if I had not been able to control myself? She shouldn't be out there alone, she attracted too much trouble. I would have to speak with her about this. I chuckled to myself, she wouldn't listen.

But what if…? I should leave. The temptation was too much.

I stood in the silhouette of the forest, watching the house, trying to talk sense into myself, but after seeing her…so close, no matter how close I had come to taking her in that second, I knew I did not want to leave. I just wanted her to be safe. Alive. Happy. With me…though I knew it could not be, I knew I would just watch her life from afar, making sure she was safe. It was all that mattered. But I wanted so much more, could I possibly have it?

I had stood watching for hours, no sounds coming from her house, her thoughts silent still, but I knew she was safe inside and it made me feel better to be sure she stayed that way. Once Chief Swan arrived and she began cooking dinner I felt that I could leave without concern, and could return when they slept. I was euphoric in the prospect of being able to be in her room again, to watch her.

I arrived home quickly, intending to avoid the family, but Esme was waiting for me on the porch swing. I smiled as I approached, nothing but love and understanding in her thoughts. She immediately pulled me into an embrace. I began to feel badly that I had not spoken to her about Bella, not like I had Carlisle. She was hurt by this but still was here trying to reassure me that everything would work out. She truly was the best mother that someone could have, much more than I deserved.

I pulled away and moved to sit with her. _When you are ready, you know I am here for you Edward. I only want you to be happy. _I could not help but look away, ashamed for leaving her out of so many things. Everything was happening so fast, I was so lost. If I really talked about it, to her, to anyone, I was afraid I would finally make the right decision. I would have to leave and I did not want to. As if she could read my mind, _I don't want you to leave us Edward, please. We can figure something out so that you don't have to leave. Just talk to me before you make any decisions that would entail such a change. _I reached out and took my mother's hand and let her know that I would not leave, not again, not without warning.

"I am…confused right now, but I promise that when I figure it out, I will come and talk to you and Carlisle about it. I just need some more time," I hoped that it might put her at ease to know that I would eventually come to them. She squeezed my hand tight, thanking me for my promise. _Do what makes you happy sweetheart._ With another weak smile and nod I left her sitting outside while I retreated to my room.

I ignored the thoughts of my family, letting them have their privacy. Besides, I had other things on my mind. I couldn't argue with myself any more, I had spent the past eight hours struggling with one decision and another, the mental strain had made me feel tired, drained. I couldn't find the resolve to leave then and I wasn't going to now. I would accept it for tonight; I was jubilant that I would be seeing her again, even if she were asleep. I hoped she would talk and let me know what she was thinking, give me a fleeting glimpse of her mind. A scrap.

Before I knew it, it was time, and I could be there again. I was in her window, soundlessly sitting in the small rocking chair in the corner, watching her chest rise and fall with her breaths, listening to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. Her father's dreams were the only intrusions to my peace and I found it easy enough to block them, let them fade to the back as I never let my eyes wander from the small, fragile human asleep in her bed. Her blood taunted me relentlessly but the other need held me back. I felt like I could sit here forever, nothing would make me happier, nothing could be more perfect.

As I hoped she began mumbling in her dreams. At one point I was concerned because she said her mother's name and I could hear both worry and longing in her voice. But soon enough she settled back and it became quiet again. As the rain picked up the restlessness returned and she started again, this time she mentioned Phoenix and the sun.

Finally, as if she knew it was all that I had been waiting for she said it, my name. It was like a breath, but I heard it and it took everything not to move beside her, let her know I was here.

Morning was coming very quickly and I knew the sun would be showing itself. I was happy for Bella, because I knew she missed it. I left when the sun came up, making my way, once again to the dense edge of the trees and looked up at her window, wondering when she would wake. I stayed there until I saw her in her window, she smiled as she threw the small window open and took a deep breath, as I had thought, she looked genuinely happy at that moment. Her happiness made me smile. I headed home knowing that I would see her very soon.

As I had watched her sleep I had thought about that melody that had been manifesting itself, it had become clearer as I took her in. It was something for her. I sat at the piano and took a deep breath. I began playing the song that I had written long ago, it was something that was familiar, easy. _Beautiful,_ my mother added from behind me, it was her favorite. I nodded towards her as she sat and watched me. I didn't mind.

I was lost in my own head as I began to play the new song. It flowed effortlessly as I thought of Bella, it was soft and it had the cadence of her breath while she slept. It told of the peace I felt while in her presence, but just as I knew that it was not a happy situation – wanting her, needing her – the music seemed to work towards a very haunting end, the notes became lower, almost foreboding, but still soothing and sweet.

I worked through it for most of the day until it was perfect, everything about it made me think of her, my Bella. I wondered if I would ever be able to play it for her or if she would even want to hear it. _If she has inspired such beauty, Edward, you must pursue it. I have never heard so much love in one piece._ Esme came up behind me as I played it through one final time and placed her hands on my shoulders. _You deserve this._ I wished I believed her, I wanted to be deserving of the joy she brought me, but I was nothing but a monster to this girl, whether she realized it or not.

I looked over at the clock and knew she should be home, it was almost dark. I wanted to be sure she was safe so I made my way on the now familiar path to her door, but I did not sense her inside. Her scent, it was in the open. I made my way around the house and found her stretched out on a blanket, sleeping in the grass, a book by her side. I imagined she had been enjoying the sun, the warmth. She looked happy. This made me smile. This was something I loved as well. I stayed in the shadows watching her but all too soon Chief Swan arrived and she woke with a start. She seemed to be uneasy when she surveyed her surroundings.

"Charlie?" she called into the darkness. I pulled back, afraid that she felt my presence, that I had been caught. But she moved in to the house without another word and I listened to her cooking dinner for her father once again. She moved around the kitchen while he watched television. I listened to his thoughts, trying to see what he was seeing, see her. While he sat across from her, having dinner I watched his mind, he was thinking of her and how she was taking care of him. He was worried about her, her happiness. He knew she wasn't content, and he worried. He was also grateful for her. He loved his daughter.

I continued to watch and listen to her father's thoughts, a voyeur in a world where I didn't belong, but desperately wanted to be a part of. A part of anything she was. She sat with her father this night in the family room; they sat in silence, a television show on that he didn't care for. I wondered if she did. As the evening wore on, me never moving, just watching Chief Swan's thoughts, intruding into their lives, I heard a conversation.

"Dad, Jessica and Angela are going to look at dresses for the dance tomorrow night in Port Angeles, and they wanted me to help them choose... do you mind if I go with them?" She did not sound as if she were actually asking permission, merely giving her father the information. He was fully aware. He questioned her as any father would; who, what, why, and finally conceded. I could hear his hopes, hopes for his daughter to finally be happy with her life in Forks. _Be a teenager._

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_Ok...review! Be encouraging or give me critisim...this is difficult... :)_

Thanks a million to my beta **_acireamos_** as always...!


	16. Protector

This is a short chapter…enjoy!

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**Protector**

I reasoned with myself that she would be fine. There was no logical need for me to follow her and her friends to Port Angeles. She had been taking care of herself for seventeen years without my intervention. There wasn't much trouble that someone could get into in such a small town. But then, this was Bella. I would follow her. I had to. It was my job to be sure she was safe. I was her self appointed protector. I owed her this.

I stayed a good distance away. There wasn't a lot to worry about. I curiously listened to Jessica and Angela's thoughts on the way out of Forks. Angela was a very quiet girl, even in her thoughts. I wondered if Bella's mind would be similar. Jessica's thoughts were much more typical, erratic and mostly spiteful of her two _friends_. I could tell she was intimidated by their apparent maturity. Interestingly I heard something I hadn't expected from Angela's mind._ Maybe I should warn her about Tyler telling everyone about them going to prom. It is only right. She probably doesn't even know. It doesn't seem like her to have said yes to him, she didn't seem interested._ I chuckled to myself; Tyler had assumed Bella's attempt to get him away from her had been confirmation of his prom invitation.

Nothing more interesting than that was said so I began to ignore them when Jessica started thinking about the details of her and Newton's date. I had to admit, I was very happy to see that he seemed to be dating this girl; maybe he would stay away from Bella.

After the hour long drive into Port Angeles, I stayed outside of the department store they went into. I couldn't remain inconspicuous if I hovered, someone would notice. Besides, the sun was still threatening to show itself through the sparse clouds so I needed to remain in my vehicle until dark. I drove around, keeping my eye on the department store. I would be able to see them leave, or at least hear them so I decided it was safe enough.

I parked after a while and listened. It wasn't long before I caught the sound of the Stanley girl's mind. Now she was picturing herself and Newton at the dance, in her newly purchased dress I imagined, getting close. I shuddered; I needed another way to keep track of Bella.

Bella? I watched her mind carefully, trying to see Bella between her silly fantasies. I could see Angela. I could see the department store. Then I saw a book store. But they were not headed in the direction of the bookstore. I realized that Bella must have left them. I scolded myself, I should have been watching closer.

But I didn't panic. It was Port Angeles, not even she could get in trouble in such a small town. I drove over to the bookstore I had seen in Jessica's mind. I looked into the window, hoping to see Bella, but she was not there. I couldn't leave the car, the sun was still out. I stared into the window, searching the shop keeper's mind. Had she seen her? I focused. Nothing, she wouldn't be thinking of her if she had not gone in.

I rolled the window down and sniffed the air. It was faint, but I could smell the taunting scent. I closed my eyes and I could sense the trail. South. I could wait here. I knew she would return soon, there was nothing south of here, just warehouses. I parked the car and waited. Still too light out for me to get out, I decided to watch the minds of the pedestrians, I wanted one of them to show her to me, confirm that she was fine. As the minutes passed I was becoming impatient. Where was she?

I tried to reason that she would come back soon, that I did not have anything to worry about, but something was telling me that I should find her. I pulled away from the curb and began to make the block, then a couple of more blocks. No sign. No one thought of her if they had seen her. Could she be lost? The sun was finally beginning to get low in the sky and I was anxious to be able to get out of the car and possibly follow her scent. I needed to find her, know she was safe.

Just as I was going to turn around and start at the bookstore on foot I heard something. I remembered thoughts like these, thoughts of evil deeds and disgusting desires. I once sought them out, using them as an excuse to unleash the monster. I had not expected to hear the voice of monsters like these in Port Angeles. There was more than one I realized, and they had someone in their sights. I was no hero, but I watched none the less. But then the panic surfaced, it was her; I saw the angelic face in his mind. _It would be the last thing he thought of…_

An involuntary snarl came from my chest and I drove toward the voices quickly. I should have run, I should have jumped from the car and tore them apart. I would. I would kill them all for thinking those thoughts about something that belonged to me. They wouldn't live another second after I found them.

I saw her in their thoughts again, she knew she was being hunted, she was trying to escape. They were very strategic in their pursuit and knew she didn't have an escape. Wouldn't they be surprised when I arrived? They wouldn't have long to think about it really, just a split second to realize where they had gone wrong, just a minute moment to look into the face of an evil a hundredfold theirs. Or would I make it slow? Show them what their sins have wrought.

I heard one of them address her. "Don't be like that, sugar." _Mmm, a fighter._ No doubt slow and painful will be the way to go. I hit the gas; I would be right on them in mere seconds. Bella would be safe and the world would be rid of the filth.

As I began to turn the corner I took in the scene before me. A man, his back to me was standing in the street, his friend against the wall. Two other worthless beings were at the far end of the block walking towards them. They had circled her like a pack of wolves, the innocent doe their prey. Bella looked…I couldn't understand, she did not look scared, more like she was determined, or in deep concentration. Was she not going to try to run? Instantly I realized I had to get her out of here. I could not attack because my efforts would be for naught if I lost control and hurt her anyway. I had to get her in my car and leave. _Then I could come back for them…_

Speeding around the corner I almost hit the big one in the street. It had not been my intention to miss him, but it would have been too easy, he deserved worse. _Get her out of here_. She seemed to know I would stop, or she was going to make me stop. I slammed the break and skidded to a stop. Resisting the urge to take care of the situation my way, I threw the door open and yelled to her, "Get in."

_Don't stop, you can't kill them, you can control this. _"Put on your seat belt." _She is safe. Carlisle would want you to control yourself._ I looked to her, her breathing was hard, heartbeat fast, but I couldn't focus on her, I had to keep myself from fulfilling my darkest desire. Her blood was not making it any easier. _Edward, you can't. _Images of Carlisle filled my head; he would be disappointed if I took their life, even the scourge of the earth like those monsters.

"Are you alright?" I heard her ask, her voice was strained.

"No," I answered honestly. The need to go back and make sure something like this never happened again. If they had hurt one hair on her head, there would not be any question of what I would do. If…did they? I hadn't asked…

The strain of being calm was evident in my voice when I spoke. "Bella?" She only confirmed she heard me, her eyes on my face. I had a sudden pang of guilt that she had to ask me if I was okay when she was the one that had been the one who was almost attacked.

"Are you alright?" _Just tell me no and I will make sure they pay._

"Yes." It was barely a whisper, she sounded shaken, I would worry about her going into shock, but at the moment I was more concerned that I was going to have to kill the men who had done this to her. I had to compose myself so I could take care of her and not just scare her more.

"Distract me, please."

Her expression was confused, "I'm sorry, what?"

Come on Bella! I need you to help me here. Exasperated I explained, "Just chatter on about something unimportant until I can calm down." I put my hand to my face, closing my eyes, willing myself to stay calm, collected. _Don't scare her; she has had enough for tonight._

"Um," she paused, seeming to be trying to find the right topic, I knew she had to have so many questions, but I could not handle them now. "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?" Her voice was matter-of-fact. This girl was perfect.

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't, I still needed those animals to be dead. "Why?" I urged her to continue.

She didn't hesitate to launch into her explanation. "He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom – either he's insane or he's trying to make up for almost killing me last…you remember it," or he sees that you are beautiful, I thought despite the fog I was currently engulfed in, "and he thinks _prom _is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though. If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…"

She was good at this. I felt myself listening to her and becoming calmer, her voice and presence worked on me like Jasper's powers would... And she was so unaware of the affect she had on people. I wanted to tell her that Lauren would always dislike her because she was threaten by her and that no matter how _even_ she tried to get with Tyler he would still want to take her to prom…"I heard about that,"

"You did?" her voice was incredulous, as if she couldn't believe that anyone else knew, "If he's paralyzed from the neck down he can't take anyone to prom." Was she more upset because someone else had heard or because _I_ had heard?

I sighed; I couldn't believe what she brought out in me.

"Better?" she asked when I opened my eyes.

I was slightly composed now, because she was with me, but still…"Not really," I answered her truthfully.

She was concerned; her next question was a whisper, almost as if she were afraid of my answer, "What's wrong?"

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper," the understatement of a lifetime, "But it wouldn't help matters for me to turn around and hunt down those…" _monsters_, "at least that's what I keep telling myself."

"Oh," was her only response. I believed I had scared her. I hadn't wanted to, but I needed to. She should be afraid of me, but not while she is stuck in a small vehicle with me in the middle of no where.

After a bout of silence she must have noticed the time. "Jessica and Angela will be worried about me. I was supposed to meet them." I headed back to town, knowing that once I was there, it would be too easy for me to find them…it was still my desire to alleviate society of their burden.

I took her to the small restaurant I had seen in the girls' mind earlier. "How did you know where…?" I heard her begin, but she only shook her head deciding against her question I am sure she knew I would not answer. "What are you doing?" she asked, I was getting out of the car.

"I'm taking you to dinner," I needed to stay with her, not only to ensure she was safe but to keep me calm, I was too close. I heard the other girls; they were both becoming worried about the absence of their friend. "Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again." I did not need another reason.

She called to them and at the sound of her voice their minds relaxed. "Where have you been?" Jessica asked; her eyes were on me, _Edward Cullen?! Did she plan on meeting him here? Why didn't she just tell us instead of making us worry? _She was angry but curious at the same time thinking Bella had done this on purpose.

Bella kept is simple and told them she was lost and then ran into me. "Would it be alright if I joined you?" I asked them.

"Eh…" _Wow, Edward wants to have dinner with us? We already ate, but who cares. _"Sure," the Jessica answered despite her thoughts.

Angela was a bit more composed. "Uh, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting – sorry." _We thought you just got caught up in the book store._

"That's fine – I'm not hungry," Bella said, she shrugged and looked like she was planning on going with the two girls. I couldn't let her. She could go into shock. And selfishly, I needed her.

"I think you should eat something." I told her quietly, giving her no doubt that I wanted her to stay. I looked up at the two girls, Jessica was thinking about Bella and I and was slightly jealous about our closeness but also curious about our relationship. "Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats." I asked her friends.

They took their leave after Bella gave them the okay. I was relieved when I saw in Angela's mind that Bella had given her a silent okay. _She will tell me everything…_Jessica's curiosity won out on her jealousy as Angela dragged her away.

"Honestly I'm not hungry," she told me.

"Humor me," I told her as I walked to the door, holding it open, giving her no choice but to go in.

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OK…hope you enjoyed that, some darker Edward was kinda fun. The next chapter may be _after_…you know what I mean…AFTER…it will be more than 8 DAYS from now!

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On a fun note…Acireamos and I have a story...it is an ALL HUMAN, AU…rated M (very M)

So if you enjoy a little smut and hilarity, try our...

**LOVE AMONG THE STACKS **

(Prologue and 2 chapters posted!)

see my profile!

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_**I don't like to do AN only chapters...so I am not...I am going to put this on the first and last chapter for the story just in case anyone comes to check...**_

_**SOOooo...yeah. With the "leak" of the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun...I don't see me going forward with this. SM is so awesome...I just can't imagine it any other way than her's now...**_

_**I was, however, a little pleased with myself on some points...I was very close...and wished I had written a little more before because I had many of the same thoughts. But now, anything I write would seem contrived and wrong...I had some particularly big missing pieces and now that I know them...there is just no way.**_

_**Sorry for those of you who have asked me to continue...I think this one is done...**_


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